Any time a relationship breaks down, the emotional impact is significant. Arguably, the breakdown of a marriage is the most painful type -- questions pop-up: Why did our marriage go bad? Did I do something wrong? Was there something I could have done differently? All too often, the pain the break-up creates turns to resentment and spite. The pain is going to be there. The divorce will not make the pain go away. Only time will heal the pain. Don't rush the process, as there are no short cuts for the emotions.
A marital dissolution is an adversarial proceeding. In other words, there are two sides in dispute with each other. The role played by the family law attorney is perplexing. On one hand the attorney desires to resolve the dispute as quickly and as painlessly as possible for the client. On the other hand, the attorney must protect the client against being taken advantage of. At the very least, this is a delicate balancing act. Ultimately, however, the attorney has one responsibility -- to protect the legal rights and entitlements of his or her client. Quite often the only way this can be done is to compromise the desired balance, even if it results in the case being conducted in a manner inconsistent with how the client had hoped it would happen.
The frame of mind of the spouses in a marital dissolution action can often be the most significant component of the entire case. If one or both persons bear(s) resentment or hostility to the other, any potential for efficiency that the case may have becomes susceptible to compromise. While the attorney can put forth a valiant effort to maintain control of the case, the effort usually succumbs to the client's hostility. From this comes two certainties: first, the action is going to take longer to conclude; second, attorney's fees are going to skyrocket, because more attorney time will be necessary.
Of course, if the emotions generated by the dissolution become too overwhelming to handle, the client may want to consider contacting a psychotherapist. The stress that a divorcing person is put through can be extreme. Utilizing the assistance of a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist should not be frowned upon or cause the client to suffer embarrassment. The experience may prove invaluable, not only in dealing with the problems at hand, but also in getting on with life.'
SAVE THE CHILDREN
It has been argued by divorcing persons that putting their spouse through a bitter dissolution actually provided satisfaction. Such a notion is probably nothing more than folly. Even if a husband and wife have come to hate each other, they should not disregard the best-interests of their children. What these spouses usually overlook is that such conflict, often times, results in substantial emotional harm to the children of the family. While the breakdown of a marriage may fuel resentment in the spouses, there animosity in no way justifies causing the children of the marriage to suffer also.
The manner in which the children can be caused to suffer can be straightforward and obvious, or it can be less noticeable. Frequently one spouse will attempt present the other spouse in a negative light, such that it is impossible for the children to perceive that parent any other way. Also, one parent may try to involve the children as his or her allies, hoping to gain some advantage over the other spouse. Or, the custodial parent may prevent the other parent from having any contact with the children -- as a means of “hurting that other spouse.” Usually it is the children who end up being hurt the most. Again, do not overlook the possibility of consulting a psychotherapist: for yourself - to help you avoid improperly involving the children in the dissolution; or for the children -- when they are unavoidably exposed to the trauma of marital dissolution.
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