Making Lemonade: If I Only Knew Then

    You can never guess the outcome of anything. Divorce is just plain hard. And, much of the time it is also not fair. Just as you can’t assume anything, nor can you guess at outcomes. You can know what your ‘best case scenario’ is, and get in touch with your ‘worst case scenario’ as well. I always seem to entertain both, so I’m ready for either to happen, however I focus on the best outcome. Here are four tips to help you.

1. Remember what you focus on, increases. 
Obsessing about all the ‘what-ifs” cannot only drive you crazy but can also put the energy into that negative thing. Best to stay positive but realistic. Life is experiMENTAL -- don't be afraid to try something new. People can get stuck in the tired-and-true, and not dare to try anything new. It’s a great experiment to entertain different thoughts about the new phase of your life after divorce and to use this phase as a leaping off point to try something new. 

2. Opportunities abound.
As scary as it may feel, there are so many opportunities out there to grow more than you ever thought you could. To help in the transition, you can hire a life coach, take a class, join a support group, or go back to school altogether. There are a lot of options, and doors open up when you make a decision to try something new. So start investigating…it’s your life!

3. Keep your kids in mind.
We are the conclusion of what our parents handed down to us. So many of us hear our parents’ voices in our heads, especially as parents. How many times have we noticed that words we have said to our kids are the same words we were told by our parents! Ouch….  Just as we are doing the best WE can, so did our parents; it’s all about making the most of what we are given. The best we can do is not feel guilty about getting divorced (especially if our parents have been married for decades) and know that this IS the best choice we can make for our kids in their growth. 

4. Divorce can make up better people.
Even if divorce is not what we wanted, we can still make the best of it, over time, and become better people and parents! We can't blame our partner for our decisions. It’s time to remember what we do have control over. Like in the Serenity Prayer, we need to keep sight of what we are powerless over and what we have to be grateful for! Try to forgive yourself and your partner for things not working out as you or they would have liked.  Not always easy, but a necessary way to live. My favorite quote, suitable for divorcing couples is…”resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die” 



Jodi Seidler is the founder of the single parent site MakingLemonade.com and the author of "55 Things Every Divorcing Mom Should Know!" Her advice has also made it to TV talk shows, such as: "Inside Edition"and "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus." Her e-mail is jodi@makinglemonade.com.