Fighting about Money with Spouse?

   With the economic crisis finding its way into your home, are you and your spouse are fighting all the time about money? If you're stressed about a job loss, mounting debt or your ability to pay your mortgage -- or all of these -- here are some tips to help you maintain your relationship as you find your financial footing again.

1. Face the financial problem together.
Your first order of business is to find ways to manage your finances more sensibly. Be completely open with each other regarding credit card finances. Yes, being honest and forthright is fundamental! As a couple, both parties must face the music or risk the chance of having the marriage falter. 

2. Be honest about your part in the problem.
Couples often hide their credit card expenditures from one another but eventually that will catch up with whomever is the culprit. Best to be honest and upfront because in the end it is a lack of trust that is at the core of a break up over money — the tipping point in bringing down the marriage.   

3. Get professional financial help.
Couples can contact a money manager, a debt consolidation service company or other individuals or organizations that can be of help —someone who specializes in helping couples manage their finances and clean up their debt.
 
4. Cut up your credit cards.
Some couples would do best to cut up all credit cards so as not to be tempted to get in over their heads (and ultimately strain the relationship). Most couples do not realize that putting more debt on credit cards when you know you will not be able to make the credit card payments is illegal.  

5. Take out a line of home credit.
One remedy is to take out a line of credit on your home (if you can get one) and pay off all credit cards and other debt. At least then you can write off the interest (if the debt is secured by the home) which interest rate is generally much lower compared to that which you would have to pay on your credit card.  

6. Talk about what's happening.
Communicate. That includes sharing fears, concerns and worries. If you fear your spouse is spending too much, talk to him/her about that concern. If you are afraid you will not be able to pay your family’s bills, or have anything left over for the fun things you are used to doing, share those feelings, too. Often, it is through keeping the communication channels open that couples are able to muddle through the tough economic times.  

7. Don't go over your limits.
Don’t buy something behind your partner’s back and let him/her find that expense on a credit card you both agreed you would not use or use only up to a limit – a limit that had already been met.

Many couples can actually become closer and more intimate during rough economic times because when they feel vulnerable they are often more forthcoming about the need to lean on someone for all things, big and small. The good part about a slow economy is that couples do begin to appreciate the little things — they focus on the precious things that have nothing to do with money.  


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Stacy D. Phillips, managing partner at Phillips, Lerner, Lauzon & Jamra, Los Angeles, is a certified family law specialist and author of Divorce: It’s All About Control – How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars. She is a graduate of Dartmouth College, cum laude, and a graduate of Columbia Law School. Phillips represents business executives, homemakers, and celebrities in film, television, music, sports, and politics.