How To Parent In One Word - "No"

    Every time you bail out your child from facing the consequences of their actions there are 10 million children the same age in the world facing, paying and learning from the consequences of their actions and becoming tougher, stronger and smarter. One day those children will be the bosses of your children and will not bail them out. 

 So what is a parent to do when their child unrelentingly refuses to do without something they want or refuses to do something they don’t want to do? It’s simple, but not easy. Just say, “No.”  

And if and when they have that temper tantrum, give them that time out, explain (but don’t lecture) what the consequence is and why you are giving it (i.e. to help them develop behaviors that will make them happy and successful in life), keep your word and turn the car around and take them home (or at the very least pull off or to the side of the road calmly, turn the car off, take the keys out of the ignition and wait) and come up with consequences that you keep.  

Need some reinforcement? Maybe this will give you pause to think.    

Imagine how unsuccessful and unhappy your child will be if they grow up with no self-discipline. It shouldn’t be difficult, because if you can’t give them consequences that you keep, you most likely lack self-discipline.  And that has most likely contributed to whatever success and happiness you may be lacking.    

How well you realistically and consistently discipline your child hardwires their personality and determines how much self-discipline they will have in the future. If you don’t say, “No” to what they gotta’ have today, your children won’t have the self-discipline to earn what they want to have tomorrow.  

Mark Goulston, M.D., is a well-known psychiatrist, speaker, business trainer and coach as well as author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work."  He writes a regular column, "Getting through to Anybody," for divorce360. He can be reached at mgoulston@markgoulston.com.