Was Your 1st Marriage Just Practice?

    So you’ve had your share of relationships. So have I and recently I figured that I must have needed to learn a few things to get it right the next time. So I consider the first few times as practice and as you know “practice makes perfect”. The following tips will help you make the past practices worth while.  

1. Accept your previous relationships or marriages as successes in something.
It couldn’t have been all bad, There are certainly some things that you can say that went well. What did you learn about yourself during those relationships? What are your bottom line wants and desires in a new  relationship? What did you learn about your deal crashers from previous relationships? Everything that you’ve learned from those experiences is a success and a step in the right direction for the next one.  

2. Know who you are.
Do you know who you are? I mean, really really, know. Do you know what you like; what you dislike; what’s truly important to you such as your values and your favorites, your red flags. And when you know who you are, do you trust that what you want is good enough, or do you trust that you are ok, and that you will find a relationship that you love, a relationship that’s right for you. What makes you tick? What upsets you? What are you willing to tolerate? What is it that you can’t stand and won’t stand? Knowing who you are and accepting of who you are will help you to be in relationships that are right for you.  

3. Understand why you are who you are.
From the time you were a child you’ve been learning to be you or I should say, you’ve been taught to be you. You’ve been taught how to interact with others, what to accept in others, what to tolerate and what to disapprove of, altogether. These questions will help you figure out why you are who you think you are. What do I believe about myself in terms of relationships? Am I lovable and worthy of a loving and healthy relationship? How do I demonstrate this belief? What do I remember hearing about relationships when I was a kid? How does my behavior support what I have been told? Your responses to these questions will provide you with important keys which will help you to understand who you are, today.    

4. Accept you, the way you are. 
Understand that includes your ‘character defects’, your smarts, your different moods, your physical being etc. Now this doesn’t mean, that you can’t change you, it simply means that you’ve accepted the being that you are. You are not trying to be someone that you’re not, someone that you can’t even keep up with, someone that you do not even recognize anymore. You are the person that you want to be, at all times and if you aren’t, you’ve got some serious thinking to do and actions to take to move towards being who you want to be.  

At some point though in your adolescent years you started questioning things and doubting things that you’re parents were saying or doing. As you were maturing you’ve taking risks and chances and noticed changes in you. You’ve been transforming the child you were told to be, to an adult. Now that you know why you are who you are, are you content with the adult you’ve become? Are you content with the types of relationships that you have gotten yourself involved in? Do you really understand why your past relationships failed? 

Maybe it’s time to consider a new design; a new you. Maybe it’s time to use all those practice times to get a bit more serious about your life. Pay attention to where your dreams take you at night. What constant message does your spirit often hear? What do you have to do, to be, to feel in order to make the changes required so that you can make your past practices worthwhile?  


Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.