Sex and the Newly Divorced

    The television show "Sex and the City" has inspired fashion, culture and a soon-to-be released movie. But the lifestyle of casual sex led by its characters isn't healthy for singles -- whether they're married or newly divorced. That's because sex isn't just about sex any more. It's also about disease. And it can be deadly. 

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, "One to 1.2 million US residents are living with HIV infection or AIDS. About a quarter of them do not know they have it. About 75 percent of the 40,000 new infections each year are in men, and about 25 percent in women. About half of the new infections are in blacks, even though they make up only 12 percent of the US population."

Unfortunately, Lindsay Novak, a psychotherapist in Omaha, Neb., cautions newly divorced people not to confuse sex with love or vice versa. "...Don't think that love equals sex, where you might jump into a physical relationship and construe that as love when it's nothing more than a physical bond," she said.

The tendency, she thinks, is more common in newly divorced women, who still believe in marriage despite the breakup of their marriage. A recent study found that 22 percent of divorced women reported having sex one to three times a month and 13 percent reported having sex three to six times per month, according to an article in msn.com. "...The biggest thing I go over with women is when they chase somebody who's really not interested in them - learning when someone's interested in you and when somebody's not, establishing boundaries, learning not to parent the other person, not looking for somebody to fix as a project," Novak said.

Having sex with a partner without taking the proper precautions can give you any number of other sexually transmitted diseases, besides AIDS.  They range from hepatitis to Human papillomavirus to syphillis, among many others. According to International AIDS charity, Avert.org, "Increasing numbers of chlamydia infections have made it the most widespread STD in the USA." In 1996 there were 492,631 cases at a a rate of 190.6 per 100,000 people. By 2006 that has more than doubled to more than 1 million cases at a rate of 347.8 per 100,000 people, site statistics show. 

Novak recommends spending some time alone after getting divorced -- finding yourself through new hobbies, clubs or other self-actualizing activities, like writing a diary.  "I tell most of my clients to start dating themselves until they're ready to move onward," she said.  


MORE ABOUT STDS FROM AVERT.ORG

Although you might be older and divorced, you are still at risk of sexually transmitted diseases, according to Avert.org:

1. Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). Is usually found in sexually active women. It is caused by an imbalance in the healthy bacteria in the vagina. A woman cannot pass it to a man.

2. Balanitis. Affects men and usually presents itself as an inflammation of the penis. It can be caused by irritation due to condoms and spermicides, using perfumed toiletries and by having thrush.

3. Chlamydia. It can cause serious problems later in life if it is not treated. Chlamydia infects the cervix in women. The urethra, rectum and eyes can be infected in both sexes. 

4. Crabs or Pubic Lice. These are parasites that live on hair and which draw blood. They live predominantly on pubic hair. Crabs are mainly passed on through body contact during sex, but they can also be passed on through sharing clothes or towels or bedding.