Book Review: The Four Man Plan

        Was Ronald Reagan the president and cell phones only a figment of the imagination the last time you were on the dating scene? Maybe your girlfriends have stopped returning your calls about ‘what your next move should be’ with that guy you met online? Or perhaps you are simply in need a dating tune up after your divorce.

If this sounds like you, author Cindy Lu has answered your prayers with her new book ‘The Four Man Plan’. This book will guide you through the rocky terrain of the dating world with a gentle touch, some tough love and a healthy helping of sassy-pants humor. Much like a wise sherpa, Cindy Lu takes our hands and leads us through the darkness and hopefully, into the loving arms of a new man and maybe a new you.  

This “How To” dating book comes complete with step-by-step instructions based on a ‘scientific formula’, graphs and postulates about dating, relating and mating. There’s even a workbook for all you good students of ‘amore’. Coming form the perspective of someone who ‘didn’t get’ love, the author sheds some light on the do’s and don’ts of the complex dating world.    

Divorce360.com: Can you tell us how you conceived of the ‘Four Man Plan’ and synopsize exactly what it is?    
Lu: I created the Four Man Plan because I sucked at love. Seriously SUCKED at love. I had a full career's worth of one bad, overly dramatic, unsatisfying, feeling lousy relationship after another. I needed to re-think the whole ‘love thing’. The Four Man Plan worked for me and I'm excited to say, for lots of other women, too. The Four Man Plan is a way to systemize dating. There are easy to follow postulates and principles, as well as a tiny bit of math and a graph. Don't worry; If you made it past eighth grade (math), you'll be just fine. Most women re-enter the dating scene a little scared and intimidated. The 4MP (Four Man Plan) is great way to organize dating in your mind and (realize it) into your schedule. By dating multiple men, a 4M-Planner can make it more about her and way less about each individual guy.    

Divorce360.com: How does this formula specifically apply to divorced women?  
Lu: The formula applies to everyone and there are success stories specifically about divorced women! One divorcee, Ellie, got blind-sided with the news that after nearly a decade of marriage, her husband confessed that he was gay. Kaboom! Ellie used the Plan to work through the insecurities that were plaguing her after she got the news. She wasn't looking to jump into a relationship, but the 4MP reminded her that she was not to blame, has tons to offer and with many men pursuing her at once, it finally dawned on her that she is perfect just as she is.  

Divorce360.com: How do divorced women date differently from a woman who's never been married? What are some of the 'mis-steps' you see them taking?  
Lu: Divorced women are a bit more cautious. Maybe it's harder for a divorced woman to believe in "The Dream." The worst thing a divorced woman can do is to keep replaying what went wrong in their mind, looking for blame, feeling like damaged goods, etc. It's so much more fun to put away the ‘baggage’ cart and just move forward with a well earned, snappy little ‘carry on’. Don't cry -- just fly!  

Divorce360.com: What are the most common behaviors from women that prevent them from a successful dating/courtship relationship evolving into a commitment?  
Lu: I think the fragrance that smells the worst on a woman is desperation. We got to let go of the clock; it's just not sexy. The fancy accessories of a man but not looking at the basics necessary for a healthy relationship are dazzling another thing that gets in the way. A man must be honest, loving and willing if you're going to have a chance in hell with him. If he is missing any one of those three components, a relationship is likely not in the cards. Whether or not he's got a trust fund or well developed pecs may have to go on the back burner.  

Divorce360.com: Does it matter what part of the country you live in to use the 4MP? Is it just as relevant in say, France as it is in the U.S.? Or N.Y. vs. L.A.?  
Lu:  I think it works best in urban areas, where there's lots of guys to choose from. But I have had women in very small towns and even the rural areas of places like Montana use it to great success. The "FOURUM" on our Web site: www.TheFourManPlan.com has special sections for 4MPlanners in special circumstances to help each other work through any adjustments they may need to make. So we have a section for small town gals, as well as teenage girls, single Moms and the gay 4MPlanner. The book is already out in Australia and has been sold to 5 other countries: Brazil, Japan, Germany, Italy and the UK. I want to be the David Hasselhoff of dating book authors.   

Divorce360.com: What if guys get angry if you're dating more than one at a time?  
Lu: Well, if they are ready for monogamy and ask you for it, and you dig them, then you end the Plan and there is nothing for them to be mad about. If they are not ready for a serious relationship, then there is nothing for them to be mad about. If they do not want to be in a relationship with you AND they are mad that you are dating other men, then you've got a weenie on your hands and you're probably better off without him.     

Divorce360.com: How do you handle Sex in the 4MP?  
Lu: Sex is absolutely allowed! I mean, a girl's got needs. However it is key to not sleep with more than one man at a time. This helps keep things from getting creepy, and it also makes sure that you do not lose a potential relationship to sleeping around. All of the rules about this are explained in the ‘Rule of Chuck’, one of the Postulates of the Plan.   

Divorce360.com: What are the guidelines as far as intimacy in the 4MP?
Lu: Except for the guy who's ‘sausage you’re hiding’, the other Plan Men are going back to good old-fashioned courtship. It's ‘second base’ or less for the other contenders.  

Divorce360.com: Have you ever come across a situation that the 4 MP couldn't solve? If so, what was it?  
Lu: The 4MP is obviously not for everyone. It's for women who are looking to make dating fun instead of hellacious. It's for a woman who wants order instead of chaos. It's for the goddess type of lady that is willing to learn to be adored by many. It doesn't work for women who just aren't ready to get out there in a big way. The 4MP is a bold, yet natural step for the (Universal) “Law of Attraction” believing crowd. No victims allowed, no Jaded McBitter-britches.   

Divorce360.com: What is the single thing women can do right now to increase their success in the dating world?  
Lu: The thing to do is get out there and be open. If you're divorced, that may mean that going with ‘your type’ has already let you down. You may not know what your new type is yet; so open your eyes, mind and heart to the lovely variety on the boy buffet. And the most important thing of all, HAVE FUN...! 


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Shari Albert is an accomplished actress who’s appeared in films including “The Brother’s McMullen” and “The Groomsmen” as well as on TV and stage. She is also a freelance writer for the LA Weekly and The Huffington Post. She can be reached at shari@sharialbert.com.