I say an old post by you with a comment from your dad. As you can see from my story, I am dealing with a man who lies all the time. I now think he does it to get my attention to see if I will care enough to stay. It has been going thru my mind for 4 days - when the bad memories outweight the good ones. What good advice. I can't find any good memories any more, and its only been 2 years. I only think of the bad stuff no matter how hard I try. I also liked your comment on "perception and reality." How your perception needs to be on the same page as reality. This is so true. This weekend it finally dawned on me that he is not going to change but I am not playing his games anymore. He is alone and he will lose me and his son because of them. Of course, that means no more spying on him either and I can't check his new work phone either, so I may never know. But now is MY TIME to figure out my life and what I want, what I need and compare to what I get.

Hi Dk: Thanks for your recent post :-) About staying in it for the kids, Dr. Laura, who makes me feel guilty daily BTW, says that, for example, if not in an abusive relationship, and you are just "miserable" for other reasons, that you need to stick it out until the kids are grown. That means, I have to wait another 8-10 yrs, in which case, I'll be in my early 50's. I would give my life for my kids, but I am so unhappy not being touched (not necessarily sexually, just hugged, kissed, held), that I feel as though I am withering away. I don't want to destroy the kids because I am not happy.

I appreciate your blog and am grateful to hear your dad's wisdom. He is helping many people, you should tell him. We could all use some fatherly advice. I just spoke w/mine today for the first time re: my in-house separation and pending divorce. He was awesome. While he is sad and concerned, mainly for the kids etc., he didn't try to talk me into anything, make me feel small or immoral, judge or anything (my mom did all that & more last week). He was just listening and fair & said not to alienate the family, he/they are there for me....since no one in my family has divorced, its a new frontier.