My Story ::  Sillyness

How Did You Meet?

Just a group of us hung around and we hooked up in 92 but got serious in 95 then finally got married in 2003    

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Eveything was ok before we got married, I remember up to the day of our wedding, I had second thots.  But i figured it was too late to back out.  Everything i imagined, envisioned for a courtship, the proposal, the wedding wasn't anywhere near what I expected - I just accepted.     

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

When we met, I admit we partied, I got a new job in 98 which didn't require me to but i thot it would be best to maintain a subtle life style.  He continued to party, i went along with it.  then there were times he didn't come home til wee hours in the morning, finally the inevitable things happened he was caught kissing my cousin.  I was devasated.  We talked it thru, but i couldn't get over it.  Kind just went on.  He continued to drink till he came home violent (before this he never made me feel afraid of him)  he cursed at me, threaten to strike me.  I stood my ground and he got angry and left.  He ended up wrecking his truck that same night DUI.  I was through, I wanted out of this marriage, he begged me to stay with him, wanted us to go to marriage counseling.  I was very angry I didn't want to do it.  But, i gave in and we went.  During this time, i found out that he was texting one of his co-workers meeting her at the bar on several occasions.  When I confronted him, he said that she was having marital problems and told him that he needed to work on his own marriage.  He was sober for 2 years.  still continued to hang our with his buddies, eventually started to drink again.  When he was drinking the first time, i had adapted my schedule  -  I worked days and he worked swing, we would bypass each other and his days off were for drinking and mine shopping.  He changed jobs and had a day shift.  But when he quit drinking, he wanted me to be home right there with him.  It took some time for me to adjust.  There was no trust.  I felt like i had tried, I kept rekindling the old crap i couldn;t let it go.  I always said i wuldn't beg him to stay.  I did that.  At one point he left, I thought I was going to die,  he came back on his own terms.  I succumbed to those terms,  resenting every minute of it.  I always asked what about me? to deaf ears.  Just this year, i have told him to get out, he won't leave.  Then he says I am going to pak my stuff up and leave tomorrow.  Now, my answer is lets pak it up now.  This is my home.  But i have left it to be away from the mayham, of course i comeback in a day or two.  

He says he loves me and kisses me, but when he goes out he doesn't return till 2, 3 4 in the morning.  DRUNK.     I am tired of it.  Oh by the way we don't have any children.   

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

At first, I was ashamed, I didn't want anyone to know if we were arguing.  But  I don't care anymore, I am not about saving face.  We are a close knit community and everyone thinks he is such a cool guy always laughing and joking.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

I don't know - I thought of being alone.  But he leaves me alone all the time. 

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

I am asking for some myself

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?