My Story ::  Robert-Boyd

How Did You Meet?

We met online in a NTN trivia room at the VH1 site.  How cheesy is that?  Both of us swore that we'd never get involved with anybody online or long distance, but there we were. 

It was a music trivia game.  I'd log in, beat people for a few rounds, log out and go to class.  One night I didn't have anything better to do so I was playing--and losing.  I wasn't used to that, so I IMed her and said, "Hey!  You're not allowed to beat me."

She emailed back with a list of things I could do with my rules about winning and losing, and we fell in love from there.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

I thought it was good.  I mean we had our "moments" but all marriages do. We were good friends, and we made a great team.  When we were shopping we could split up, and meet at the checkout with everything we needed.  We complemented each other. I think that's why the whole divorce thing struck me as such a shock.  Who breaks up Martin and Lewis?  Oh yeah...

 

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

I first realized I had a problem when she said, "If I can't stop hating you by August, I want a divorce."  I mean there were clues before that, but I never filed them under "divorce."  I always thought they were part of working through a marriage.  We were going through a lull, but I always thought we'd recover.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I first realized I had a problem when she said, "If I can't stop hating you by August, I want a divorce."  I mean there were clues before that, but I never filed them under "divorce."  I always thought they were part of working through a marriage.  We were going through a lull, but I always thought we'd recover.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

I'm not yet divorce, but I'm so close to the brink that it doesn't matter. It's going to end in less than two months.  The hardest thing for me to get past was the isolation. I work at home alone.  I need to force myself to get out.  It's tough to do when you're battling self-pity, divorce, and all the daily BS at the same time.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

1. Accept that what your feeling is normal.  Whether you're the one who left or you're the one who got left, divorce hurts.  Give yourself some time to grieve. Don't go jump into some new relationship just to numb the pain. It'll only make your current divorce worse, and possibly set you up for another one down the road.  Take time.  This is the perfect time to reevaluate yourself and get to know who you are again. Look in the mirror, say, "Hi, I'm Rob."  Well not Rob, unless that is your name. Then--you get my point…

 

2. Establish new routines and create new memories.  It's going to be hard not to look at the things around you and remember the things you loved/hated about your marriage.  Use each day to create new memories.  When MyUnwife first left, I'd walk into the kitchen and remember the times we spent cooking new things together.  Now, one stove fire and a few experiments gone awry the kitchen reminds me of new things and has a special smell that's nothing like it was before.

 

 

 

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?