My Story ::  paula1

How Did You Meet?

we met at work.  i know..typical and boring.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

i worked full time while he was an unemployed 'freelance writer'.  we had two kids back to back (14 months apart), and at one point i was nursing one, while pregnant with the other, working full time, pumping at the office, racing home to nurse again and then pass out.  our marriage was basically me working and having kids and him hiding in the office 'freelance writing', while my parents took care of our kids.    

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

he had just started a new job (after three years of unemployment) and begged me to quit mine.  i did.  a few weeks later, just 2 weeks before xmas, he called me at 3 am from a hotel room, and said he was never coming home again.   he later told me that he waited for me to quit so 'i would know what it's like to be unemployed.'   oh....he moved in with my friend....forgot to mention that part.

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

i flipped out and then spent the next year fighting with him. he wanted everything and got it.  he took my kids cribs, our kitchen table and even the highchairs.  he took all of my savings, all of my kids college funds, my 401k, and half of the house. in the 4 years we were married, he worked for only 1.  but in florida, it's 50/50...so he got half.  i was unemployed, broke and begging him for money.  he told me 'get on the stick and get a job'.    oh...he's unemployed again...going on a year and half...and he has never paid child support and probably never will.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

2 things:  the 1st was tyring to understand what happened.  he became a totally different person.  he went from making excel spreadsheets on the best diapers and holding my daughters hand while she transitioned to a big bed (with him sleeping on the floor next to her)...to walking out without notice, with all of our money and not talking to his kids for months.  to this day he sees them 1 or 2 days a month and never calls them.  the 2nd hardest was having two kids under 2, unemployed and broke.  kind of scary.

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?

1. put every thing you own in your name today. if your spouse wont agree, question why.  or at the very least draft a post nup....why not?  it's better to figure this out now when you're both happy.    and 2. if you get the slightest hint something is wrong...it is.