My Story ::  ChristopherSly

How Did You Meet?

She was 17, I was 19, and we met on July 4th on the Golden Gate bridge. She and her friends joined up with me and mine, and we had a wild and crazy adventure. There was something special about her, and I did not want it to simply be a one-night hook-up (not really me forte, anyways), so I called her the next day (to her surprise), and took her to the Steinhardt Aquarium in Golden Gate Park as our first date.

Describe your marriage before the problem.

Routine, routine, routine. We love each other, but stopped challenging and each other and showing each other beauty and design in the world that the other did not see. 

Tell us how you first realized you had a problem.

At the end of a summer break, I knew I felt ignored and taken for granted. She became used to me taking care of her, and I got used to being the one who took care of things (cooking, shopping for food, cleaning, actually completing the laundry cycle, etc.) I took an opportunity to have an encounter (not consumated) with a young woman. 

What did you do about it or if you have not done anything yet, why?

I'm passive aggressive, so I vented my frustration by giving my attention to a person who was actually asking for it.

If you're not yet divorced, what is your greatest fear?

We're not divorced, but she loves her new life, her life in which she actively rejects considering me and my current condition. She blames us, not me, and she loves me, but cannot be the person she wants to be while married to me. I'm afraid of the divorce, and I'm afraid that the person who I am is a person who no woman will again find attractive enough to want to be with. I'm a quiet person with a few close friends but not with an active social network, and I'm afraid of being alone.

If you're not yet divorced, what two tips would you share with others?

It's all too raw right now for me to have any words of advice.

If your divorce is final, what was the hardest part of the divorce?

If your divorce is final, what two tips would you share with others?