How do I cripple my wife financially

I know my now ex-husband wanted to do this to me.  He was so frightening but made everyone think I was so terrible because after I filed for divorce I started seeing someone who turned out to be a person who enjoyed breaking up marriages and so he played on the fact I hadn't had sex or romance for most of the 20+ years I was married.  My ex had surveillance equipment installed and I think a GPS put in my car so he could keep track of me.  I received a notice in the mail from a university of a course he took about surveillance and how to break into a security system since I had put one in.  It was a nightmare. He had said he didn't want the divorce even though he had become so physically abusive that I was afraid for my life. I felt that after 20 years he could just decide to become loving and kind seemed ridiculous.  I am finding out that this really can happen with the right counseling but I was pretty far gone after he tried to break my hand and I'm a musician.So, I hope you separate for a year and get some time to really see what is happening before you do this to yourself and her.  He paid off 3 lawyers that I went to and so I went to court after 22 years of marriage and expected to end up in the street with very little.  He took every paycheck and handled all the money so we had very little to show for all the money we made as professionals.  It has been almost 3 years since the divorce was final and the counselor told me that if he loved me it would show in how he handled the divorce.  Well I guess he didn't love me much.  So, what you are doing shows that you really don't love her and never did. Or the anger is just talking right now and with time you will rethink this venue.Just wanted you to know what it is like from a female point of view.  It didn't last long with the person I saw and I've not felt like dating anyone at all after this devastating experience.  We became people that neither of us would recognize.  I have found myself. I wish that for you.

If you post those pics and she can show you did or had anything to do with it, you'll look as bad as her in the divorce proceedings. Give them to your lawyer and let him do it the legal way. He can use them as leverage, legally, in order to work you a better settlement.

Paula's right again...  Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, not someone else.  The anger and hate you have right now is like a Trojan Horse.  If you keep that with you, that anger and hatred will fester inside leaving you bitter and angry for all the world to see.

 

Let the attorneys duke it out, your brother will have your best interest at heart.  And with pictures you will have the balance of power at the bargaining table.  Good luck.

If you don't want her to have your money, you are going to have to spend it on some goooood lawyers. Make sure you got a bulldog that will go for her throat!! Cool the anger and start being the wronged, devistated, lost husband. How good are you at acting?  You may have to shed a few tears as well. BUT hide behind that lawyer and make sure he does his job. God knows you will be paying top dollar for it. You may end up broke as well in the end.  But you will have some satisfaction.
GOOD LUCK.
Also, check into state laws as well, you may also be able to go after her boyfriend as well. Not all states will allow this but some do.

You've gotten some great advice here.  It's always good to take a step back when you're really angry and upset.

Cynthia Tiano, Esq.
"The Mediator"
www.happilydivorced.org

Gracelee1972, how do you find out if your state is one that decides alimony, etc based on an affair?  I would love to find out if I can use this in court.

Trust me.  The lawyer I use is my brother who is very good and goes for the jugular.  That eliminates price.  Second, the old saying is "a picture or pictures is worth a thousand words"  or in my case thousands of dollars!!!

Depending on what state you are in....if the spouse is cheating and you have proof, this alone can bar spousal support and alimony. 
Don't let yourself get out of control with anger. Use your anger to fuel your fight, legally. You want to look flawless at this point, so don't do anything that will jeopardize your case....as you have a good one.
Good luck and stay calm!

When I read your posts, I see myself. A few weeks ago, I found out my husband has been cheating on me. He left me and our 2 kids without a penny. He is living with his mistress right now. I was so consumed with this enormous amount of anger that I could not do anything. I was not the good mother I had been to my children during that time. Just like you, I don't care about being a better person. In fact, I am so tired of being the one in my household whom everyone else expects to behave, especially my in laws. BUT, the most important thing for us right now is to take care of our lives. Get a good lawyer so that you can divorce her!!! When your life is back on track, then you can decide how much "fun" you want to have with her. Hey, you have the evidence and time. What's the rush?

There is nothing else I can add that no one else has said already except to say. You are hurting right now and it hit you hard. She did you wrong.You couldn't have stopped it, you had no control over it. It hurts like hell, but you need to get a grip on your anger.  I'm not saying this to be mean or hurt you further. This is not good for you or anyone else to be this angry. I think you should end this marriage in a civilized matter. If your not careful you are going to end up hurting yourself or someone else.

Be forwarned...Your best route in this matter is to divorce her and get it over with quickly never see her again.Financially crippling her means 2 things absolute:
#1. YOUR Lawyer will become the wealthy benefactor of your anger. It will pay for your lawyer's mortgage or their kid's college fund and of course their new mercedes.
#2. While you are attempting to financially ruin her (unless you are filthy rich) is only going to fester your anger and will leave you feeling no better. Everyday you will be reminded damn I blew a mountain of money just to ruin her...that's sort of like throwing your finances down the tube? 

First off, everyone is right.  Let the lawyers do their work.  She was the adultress and should be held accountable by the courts.  She will have to work full time and you will be able to take comfort in that.  You have the evidence, and therefor your "disadvantage" with the courts will be somewhat negated.  Go to the courts first and you will have the upper hand.  Have faith and a good lawyer.

I do not have kids with her, thank god, that would be devastating to the children as well as give her incentive to live off child support.  I think those that have not experienced this don't quite understand.  How would you like your spouse, male or female, that was working full time when you got married now work only part time(2 days a week).  She doesn't want to work full time even though she has been offered full time work because it interferes with her fitness time.  I did not go to grad school to marry a SPONGE.  I feel she is not grateful.  She did not even pull the KNIFE out my back that she inserted.  She needs to fend for herself.  Either provide for herself or maybe next time get paid for her stunts.  Furthermore, I don't want to be the better person.  And as for the courts, thats a joke.  You think they are going to side with me!!!   Remember, I already have one strike against me---a penis.

I have been stung by a wifes affair so I can sympathize, but you need to pull yourself together. It's okay to be angry, but not like this. Cool your head, collect your thoughts, be the bigger person and this will turn out far better. The path your on goes nowhere.

What your wife did to you is unforgivable however now you have a chance to prove that you are the better person.  Anger and desire for revenge may be clouding your judgement, and it is only natural to want to strike out at someone who has caused you so much pain but if you proceed on this path where will it end?  Please consider carefully your actions and the consequences.  Karma is a b*tch and she will get what she deserves.

Step back a minute.  Do you have kids?  If so, do you really want to hurt them too?
After all, it's not their fault.

If not, then as dyben noted, let the lawyers handle it.  Depending on where you
live it may not make much of a difference...

Let the lawyers hand it.  You can either make the divorce simple or difficult it is your choice that is for sure.  It sounds like right now you are angry and hurt for what she has done.  How is destroying someone else's life worth it?  You have just stooped to her level and you are going to get down in the mud with her.  Is that you?  You should take the higher road, trust me it looks better on you in the end.  She made her bed, the courts will see that.  Let the lawyers handle the settlement and financial aspects of your life.  Just be grateful you found out sooner than later.

Do not let your anger push you to do something that you will regret later.
Cripple her financially??? That is scary for me. I know you are hurt and angry but to do this only puts you on her level. It is not worth lowering yourself.
If you have evidence, then take her to court. She will probably lose everything anyway. Don't publish or post her pics anywhere.
Again, don't stoop to her level. She made a mistake and she will have to pay the consequences. Do things legally, if you have the proof then you should be ok.

you're angry.  and you should be.  but is ruining her life going to help you?  i know you want revenge right now...but do you have kids?  if you do, you just can not do this.  and if you don't, you just shouldn't.  i know you don't want to hear that right now.

People do it all the time on youtube.