Is this adultry in TN?

sorry it took me a while to respond, I can't tell when someone reposts to an answer - I just have to go through them all every once in a while.

If I were you, I'd go to an attorney, file the paperwork requesting control of the marital home during the legal process (I mean really, why should you be the one who moves, you aren't the toad)

Vindictive way to tell him - text message him - I'm divorcing your cheating butt - you will be served anytime now.

 

Decent way to tell him - just sit him down and say you can't take it anymore and have filed for divorce - here is your suitcase, start packing...

spasnskitz
Yeah he is a BIG warty toad!  I have only been married to him for 8 months.  He was good as gold until the day we married.  What approach do I do about leaving?  Do I leave or do I stay while we file?  If I leave does that forfeit everything?
Thanks for your help.
Swoopy

hurt you? no, you two are just going to have a hell of a time hashing out who gets what in mediation. The judge can still take over and make the decision for you when it comes to large items you just can't agree on but it will end up being a 50/50 ish split.

 

cutdeep mentioned something about you only being with him a year? I didn't look at any other posts if you have one up that mentions this - but...if you haven't been with him less than 5 years - you won't get spousal maintenance.

 

frogs are cute - he's a warty toad....

Spaznskitz, 

 

Everything we have he purchased before we were married.  We have nothing together.  Will this make hurt me?

 

Thanks!!

I appreciate everyone's input.  After I approached him on the fling.com and flirt.com thing he quit using our home computer.  He owns his own business and he uses his computer at his office so he doesnt have anyone checking on him there.  
I agree I need to cut my losses but I do need to know what will work in court and what will not work as far as evidence.  I am looking to be taken care of for a little while since it is not only me to think about but also my grandson.  
But, this morning I did some more snooping and did retrieve two text messages from a number that stated "she regrets what she did to him but needs to know what to do now so she can start."  I am assuming this is one of those phone sex things or call girl.  I called it this morning and it was a girl name Shannon.  This is the second time this same text has popped up with same number. 
It is only a matter of time, he is pretty sneaky but I believe God will hand me all I need to get this done. 
My prince turned into a Frog!!!

I have messed around on those websites before when I was seperated last year and they were really just junk websites that spam you alot. Fling.com is the one that he could most likely connect with someone looking for anonymous sex. He is looking for porn or trouble either way. My opinion isn't worth much but if you have been with him only one year and your having to work at it this hard already I would cut my losses now and start over. If it is this bad already then it will just drag you under eventually. I wish I had cut my losses 8 years ago when I started realizing I had to work at it too much. If he threatens divorce this way now he always will. Good luck.

oh, and everything purchased while you were married, cars house etc are marital property - it doesn't matter who's name is on anything - and if you file a fault divorce based on the criteria I mentioned below - you will get a larger percentage of the assets.

No, unfortunately it is not adultry - adultry, in any state, legally defined is sexual contact (intercourse) with another person.

Your legal fault reason for what he is doing would be called mental cruelty & alienation of affection.

On the snooping you can install a keylogger on your computer (either a software version or a hardware one - google them on the internet but I personally suggest the hardware one as it is not noticeable) and that way you can REALLY know what he is up to on the computer aside from the history and even if he tries to erase anything.  If he chats online, you will even get those conversations. Fling & flirt do come up as a pop-up's, BUT you have to have been or be on or be searching for similar sites.


I'm a family law attorney

The bad part of it is we were married September 2007 and everytime i say anything he threatens divorce.  I am raising my 1 year old grandson.  He is up to something, but not sure.  I dont have a car in my name anymore and our house is in his name.  But I do know that i cant deal with this.  Even his checking account does not have my name on it and I do not work right now.  I dont know with or without proof if I would get anything from this divorce.  I believe he has sexual issues.  thanks for the comment...I believe you are right about snooping.  Just to snoop just about gives me a nervous breakdown because i dont want to get caught.  lol  He makes it very hard to get to his phone.  i dont have a key and he keeps it pretty close by.  I will definately keep trying.

I appreciate you!

Hi Swoopy,
  I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I am in FL and do not know what the "legal" adultery laws are in TN but I can say you are doing the right thing by "snooping" because obviously he will have an answer for everything.  I have a friend who had a similar situation with craigslist personal ads and he lied to her face and once she confronted him about the cell phone he of course had no choice but to admit it but downplayed the entire thing.  He said he would never do it again and she thought things were great but the she happened to stumble upon a prepaid cell phone in his car and all he was using it for was to talk to his craigslist personal friends.  She forced him into therapy but she still says she does not know how she will ever trust him again....  I cannot tell you what to do but I would suggest marriage counseling immediately.  If he refuses then I don't know what else you can do but start divorce proceedings.  Good luck and keep us posted on what is going on.