Divorce is hard.

Divorce is hard.. yup..Harder than living with the abuse?  Sometimes the process of separating/settling/divorce is.. but once you're away from the abuser..and start getting on with making a life no longer afraid; no longer being belittled; no longer picking up the pieces of broken dishes; lamps; furniture; etc; that he threw in a rage that was 'cause YOU made him mad?   He's alcoholic/druggie; narcisstic; ocd..and what else?  He's suddenly been reborn into into Mr. Easy going?  ..do you really believe that?  Children are greatly influence by their environment... what do you want that to be?

Hi 548 -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360.

This is a very tough call.  If your husband is an alcoholic/addict and has not been using ( you say he tested clean) you still have some serious issues that present themselves. 

You say he is OCD, narcissistic, bipolar and abusive.  Are those actual diagnoses from a psychiatrist?  If so, just stopping using will not make him a nicer person or someone easier to live with.  In fact, now that he is not self medicating he may be more difficult to live with because he may have to face his problems rather than drink or drug them away. 

Is he seeing a psychiatrist for any of the above conditions? 
Is he on meds for any of them? 
Has his condition stabilized? 
What is the prognosis for recovery? 
Have you sat down with his psychiatrist and asked any of these questions? 
Is he even capable of participating in marriage counseling? 

You have a great deal of research to do before you decide to make any steps toward any kind of couples work.  Please answer each of those questions honestly, and if needed get the help of a professional to evaluate what you have stated here. 

Best -
Lisa