A Group Question

Grass - It still hurts 16 months later, but no...no more drama.  I don't respond to her emails, and when I do its only a short brief sentence that pertains to our son only.

I don't CARE if she wants to be friendly.  You have betrayed my trust, and the trust of our son, and broken the contract between us.  I'm done with her.

Don't interrupt your enemy when she's making a mistake.

Just from following your story over the past months, I'm wondering.......... What is not going her way that is making her pull the "stop fighting and be friends" card?  You seem to have come so far. Maybe that's what is bugging her and she's ready to knock you back a few steps.  You also seem to NOT thrive on drama these days; maybe she still does.
A great, great thing about friends is that we get to pick our own. I usually try to pick friends who don't lie, cheat and screw me over.   Think back to the times during this divorce that you've acted as her "friend". How did that work out for you? 
I'm spouting off advice, but I don't think that you sent this post looking for a solution. I think you wanted support. Well, I support you. Keep it up.  You already have plenty of friends.

Gotta love you natalie. That's perfect! It's not arrogance, that's strength! I'm following you today.

Tell her sure, yeah, blah blah whatever, then keep doing exactly what you want. She doesn't even deserve and explanation; she'll get the message soon enough and it'll be lots more powerful that way.

-----------

God, I'm feeling strong today. I hope it doesn't come off as arrogance.

I only e-mail my ex about our children.  I put blocks on all my cell phones and regular phone.  I tried to be civil but he is still angry, for reason which are unknown to me.  I should be angry cause he lied, cheated and abused me and the kids.  But for the sake of our children I really try to be civil.  I have even made a motion to the court to order a parent coordinator to facility some middle ground.  So far he has not complied with the court order.  The only ones that get hurt are the children and that is sad.  They do not deserve any of this and I tell them everyday I love them and it is not their fault.  I also have them in therapy to deal with issues with the ex so they can handle it better.

Tell her the fighting should stop, since it does no good.  But, as for being friends?  Perhaps years down the road you can make a friendship.  Tell her for now, you will be civil.  There has been too much hurt going both ways to be able to be true friends. 

It seems you have already made up your mind..you only communicate by e-mail and that is brief.  That is how you want it, so e-mail her that you do not want to be her friend.  I, myself could never be friends with my stbx...why..he does not have one quality that a friend has.

What is being friends with her going to accomplish?

She will feel less guilty. So what?

Arguments will escalate since you'll now have more of an emotional investment in the relationship.

Stay distant. You need to heal now. Being friends will keep you from healing. Take care of you.

hi,

i can not give you any good advice as if you read what i posted - see that i can not - but if you are comfortable like this - then this is good - trying to be friendly got me to where i am now - keep it like that until you feel you are ready to deal with her friendship 

i hope this helps