Stalker or glutten for punishment?

HI tlynn0314 -

You are neither a stalker or looking to inflict more pain and resentment on yourself.  You are trying to figure out why your former husband, who seemed to be one sort of person, suddenly behaved in this unexpected way.  

Unofortunately, sometimes there is no explanation to be had.  Some people are just very self absorbed, immature and have never developed their struggle muscle.  (That is a term I coined for being able to try until one figures out how to complete a task...  resist the urge to quit...   or make something difficult happen). 

For some people they think they are in love with a person...  but they aren't.  They are in love with the feelings they get when they first fall in love.  That obsessive compulsion to be with the person you love every minute...  the lusty times...  all that emotion that is fueled by  neurotransmitters:  dopamine, seratonin and epinephrine.  When those feelings pass, they feel that they aren't in love anymore and they look to feel that way again with a new person.  That is not love.  That is being in love with a neurotransmitter rush. 
 
I am sorry that you are in so much pain, but at least you can be grateful that you can be free to find someone who will love YOU, and not the feeling of being in love.  You can bet that he will leave this new gal just as soon as the  neurotransmitter high wears off.  But don't try to find out, cause it really doesn't matter.  What matters is that he has freed you up to find a real love instead of just an neurotransmitter junkie.  

If you want to chat, I am here.

Best - 
Lisa

He left because he's a piece of shit. He didn't leave because of her. He won't talk to you since he knows what a piece of shit he is and he doesn't want to face who he truly is which he would have to do if he talked to you.

Mine was the same. I hope they both burn in hell. Meanwhile, we can go out and dance and sing and be glad that those assholes are out of our lives. Trust me, there are so many men out there who would love to have you. Forget him. I talk to myself here. After dating a lot of men I still am not fully healed, but I am getting better.

I was replaced quickly not long after my ex and I separated. I did the same thing, searching the internet for dirt on her. I don’t think it’s so much a case of stalking as it is wanting to know why she’s so worthy of his time and affection when I didn’t rate on the scale. Wanting to find some indication that she’s not better than me.

 

It’s kind of funny how things happen, because at the time I was digging for info I came across a magazine article about stuff women do after they’re dumped. The one woman admitted that she dug up as much dirt on her ex’s new GF on the internet as she could, spent hours everyday following her Facebook and Twitter pages…then finally realized that this OW wasn’t wasting time following her around so why was she? That kind of flicked the switch in my head, “why am I wasting my time on this bee-otch?”

 

I think what you’re going through is normal and eventually you’ll get tired of the hunt and give it up. I’m sorry you’re going through this. (((hugs)))

When she leaves you (or used to leave you) messages on your FB couldn't you get her name and look at her FB? 

I think just out of morbid curiousity you want to be able to see this person that is sending you these things and try to see what your stbx see's in her.   So I get it but will it give you the "end" that you're looking for?  Probably not.  What you want is communication from him.  Answers to questions that he never provided.  An explanation.  Something. 

What he did was very cold.  To just up and leave as if you guys never existed.  But you can be satisfied that he didn't completely cut you out of his mind. I mean his new one found out about you so he must have said something.

You just want to feel validated as an existing person to him, not just some disposable object.  If he won't give that to you, then give it to yourself.  You know you are a compassionate being.  You have emotions, you have a conscience.  Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that he left since he seems to lack all the above.

((hugs))