Just thoughts needed from a different perspective

You sound a bit like me, my ex knew that I was in it for the long haul and took greater and greater advantage of his belief that he could get away with anything and I'd never leave.

Perhaps this dynamic is still present in your divorce? You're sounding a bit too much like a victim for it to be healthy.

Just the tone of your words, the verbs you use (beg, for example) and they way you describe your situation doesn't sound like you and your wife ever were equals, or this unbalance would never have happened in the first place.

You may be teaching her how to treat you like this.

Find a new lawyer. If they're not calling you back, either you're not telling us everything about this story and they've done all they can, or more likely you need to end your relationship with them pronto. And what's this about how you're supposed to be picking up your children at a certain time, but "she doesn't let me, not once"?? Isn't that the court's decision, not hers?

Why are you putting up with any of it from her?

You probably should have called BS on this woman years ago (and if you're like me, you're kicking yourself for not doing so) but it sounds like there's still time.

Remember, bullies are NEVER as tough as they want you to believe they are. Go straight at them, and don't flinch.

HI PeyKatsDad-

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

I have a couple of questions.  First, why did you and your wife split?  I read over your story and didn't find an answer.  You talk about the two of you growing apart...   but nothing more.

Second...  why are you letting your attorney's give you the run around?  You are a business person..  you know that the sqeaky wheel gets greased.  Make some noise...  call the head of the firm...  insist on getting more attention paid to your case or you will leave the firm.  Just because a firm charges a high price doesn't mean they are the best in any sense.  Lots of smaller firms that don't charge $400/hour do excellent work and give their clients the attention their case deserves.  Don't let your lawyers treat you like a fat wallet with no gumption.

I am concerned about the way your wife is treating her daughters.  She is using them as teammates in her battle against you.  She is trying to win them over to her side.  That is very hurtful to kids and will absolutely cause them problems as they get older.  The worst part about it is that you can't stop her from doing it.  You can make all the court orders you want, talk till you are blue in the face...  but the real truth is that if she is unwilling to stop the bleeding you can't stop it for her. 

The best thing you can do for your girls is to get them into counseling asap.  You don't need your wife's permission to do this.  Do it on your own time.  Find someone who does child psychology or child therapy and get the girls help.  They need an adults help to process what is happening.  They can't understand adult feelings and situations. 

The youngest, 4yo, might do well in art therapy.  That is great for little ones who really don't have the verbal skills to talk about their feelings or what is happening to them.

If you want to ask any questions or need to chat, I am here.
Best -
Lisa

Why did you move out?

What you have to pay in support depends on your income. I know a couple where the wife didn't have a job, husband did, and he paid car, mortgage, child support and $24,000 a month in alimony plus $4 million in liquid assets. Usually in my state it's half of income plus child support. So without knowing your income during the marriage the numbers are meaningless.

Your lawyers are a different story. If you've already paid them $21,000 and they aren't responding to you, consult with at least 2 other lawyers. If he/she tells you the same thing then you are likely not going to do better. However, i suspect that they are simply collecting the fee without putting in any effort. It's up to you to demand better service for your money. If the other ones sound better, fire the ones you have now and get a new lawyer.

I wouldn't think that whether or not she works is an issue. If she didn't work during the marriage, when I've seen judges handle this they don't usually tell the non-working spouse to work. You are the one who moved out. The judge is likely going to consider that this was your choice, not hers, so why should she suffer for your decision? I'm not a lawyer so I don't know the answer, but this is what I've seen while waiting in court for my case to be heard.

What you did during the marriage for her or her family doesn't matter in court.  You're paying a lot of alimony/child support.  Is this court ordered?

Why did you move out of the house?  

You need to demand a meeting w/your atty.  Tell them you are paying them a lot for their expertise, not to just push or file a paper, you can do that yourself.  You hire them so they can offer how to legally help you the best, give you different ways of how to get what.

You moved out.  Is she threatening that you abandoned your family?  What is she using for leverage in all this?   This is what your lawyer should know and tell you.

Thanks to all for responding. 
I do have an attorney who was supposed to be one of the best around (@ $400 per hour, he should be).  However, their stance seems to be to just be nice etc..  Maybe they know something that I don't in the end.  They seem like they have too damn many cases and only REACT to mine versus being proactive.  The whole system is a joke to me.

It has been very hard to not lose my cool.  Very.  But my number 1 thought is about my two girls and I know if I lose my cool..it would affect them in many ways.

I don't think she can change the locks cuz when I kicked my husband out (IL), I could not change the locks and he still came in while I was at work and did his laundry and got coffee in the morning. I was trying to be amicable. I think your future ex needs a bitch slap rude awakening of reality. Why can't she work? WTF man? I worked every day of my adult life and supported my ex on the months his business wasn't operating (winter months). He sat around. But I don't think she can legally keep you out of the house. I know you say the money and the business dont matter, BUT THEY DO!  And don't fool yourself. My ex tried to offer me $10K for my "half of the business" that brought in $350K the year before. I am certainly no dumbass and told him I already had an atty and blew him away. Not underhanded, just protecting myself. I had all the pensions/401ks and all the financial stuff. I gave him 50% and was fair. I also gave him a fair amount of furniture and household objects out of the house. So that future ex of yours needs a good bitch slapping from a good atty that YOU retain to keep her in line and let her know that this is not a one way street. You earned all the shit she is possessing now and you have a right to 50% of it and don't back down. Stand your ground. It doesn't have to be ugly in front of the kids but you deserve your 50% or more and make sure she doesn't get alimony. Sorry, even as a woman I don't believe in that. Unless you are totally disabled (which is doesn't sound like she is) then her sorry ass needs to go out and work for a living. Honestly, I know you feel defeated right now but get some guts here man and stand up for yourself. YOu do not want to be working the rest of your life to support her, her family and probably some young man she is going to bring into the picture. So first things first, get an atty and a good one. And protect yourself #1.

I'm really sorry all of this is happening to you.  Just from what you posted, it sounds like you've been more than fair.  I'd really push for more time with the kids.  I'm sure you'd all benefit from that.

Although I understand your frustration regarding the home, marital assets, etc. they are just things.  What's really important is your relationship with your children and providing for them. 

I'm surprised you haven't lost your cool by now.

document everything... if need be hire a p.i.  make sure your lawyer is on the ball.  and only pay her what you are required to.  it sounds like the judge is starting to get alittle tired of her.  hold your guns, document, document, document.  judges are tired of people who use the children this way... things could be turning your way very fast very soon.  good luck

I would say that she needs to get a job and get with reality. I believe I would have a hard time swallowing that as well but of course you will find a way to do it because you know in the long run, it will benefit you as far as gaining time with your children. Good luck.

I am so sorry. ((((hugs)))))
I don't think she can keep you from the house. The furniture is marital assets, you get part of everything, down to the silverware. I think I would have my attorney file something about the children she has to let you see them. I wonder if your attorney is doing their job? 
I wish you well.