Adultery in Kansas

My husband is committing adultery and has been since my daughter was 2 months old. I found out about the affair two weeks into it through facebook. I copied, pasted, and printed a copy of the conversation detailing sex, leaving me, and so on. He admitted to the affair. I told him we could work on it. Two weeks later he began going out all hours of the night and so I finally asked him to stay somewhere else with the intention of working on the marriage. I found another facebook conversation confirming he left three days in a row to be with her (he spent the night there). Tonight he agreed to certain stipulations including staying with a friend, instead he is spending the night at her house (I have pictures). I also have two months of phone records with over 300 text messages between the two. My questions are what type of custody can I get (breastfeeding my 3 month old currently)? I would like as much as possible for as long as possible. How will the mortgage and bills work? I cannot pay for the mortgage by myself and the house will be difficult to sell in this market. Will he continue to pay? Will I be forced to move out? What type of legal actions can I take?

by ScornWoman 1 Post
Posted on 7/6/2009 12:32 AM

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Answers for "Adultery in Kansas" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

I'll humbly second the advice about your house and having a solid financial plan for your end of the divorce.

If you don't qualify to carry the mortgage on your own and he doesn't want to buy you out, then the place has to be sold.

My ex really wanted to keep the house and was sure it's as easy as buying me out and keeping the existing mortgage...but it isn't.

He found out after the fact that he didn't quite qualify for the new mortgage, and we sold the place just before the market tanked, which is what I was pushing for in the first place. The idea of him and his new love lounging in the gardens which I'd tended for a decade was too much to bear.

Make sure of everything before you plan on---let alone agree upon---anything. Plan the flight and fly the plan.

by Natalie 729 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2009 6:57 PM

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I live in Kansas and obtained a divorce 2 1/2 yrs ago. The best information that I can give you is to find a good atty. Spaz already informed you that Kansas is a no fault state. How much you get in maintenance(alimony) depends on how long you have been married, they have a formula for that as well as for child support. The max amount of time allowed for maintenance is 121 months, and that depends on how long you have been married. We were married for 32 yrs so I was given the 121 months. (Yes!) Another factor is how much income you have. Did you work outside the home? The more you make the less you will receive in maintenance. The less you make the more he will have to pay, again it depends on how long you have been married. I am not sure if Kansas Legal services can represent you for a divorce, you would need to call them to ask. Good luck, you have us here on the website if you have any more questions. Melaine

by melaine 425 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 6:31 PM

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Adultery & custody are not related. Why you are divorcing has nothing to do with his ability to parent as far as the court is concerned. He has the right to request up to 50/50 shared parenting (regardless if you breastfeed or not - there are pumps) if he so chooses. It will be up to you to prove he isn't fit - and being a cheater doesn't make him unfit.

Kansas is, for the most part - a no fault state - his adultery isn't even really going to affect your divorce. If you can prove he spent money on her you can demand reimbursement of your share of the squandered marital assets - but that's about it.

You will need to request a morality clause in your parenting plan to ensure he doesn't bring the child around his girlfriend if that is an issue for you. (I'm assuming it will be)

Regardless if the house would be difficult to sell, if you can't refinance it into your own name and afford it, and he doesn't want to keep it and buy YOU out of your share (if there is any equity) it will have to be put on the market.

If you kick him out, he can stop paying anything until a judge forces him to, but any payment he is ordered to make, other than child support, is going to be temporary.

My suggestion to you, you need to figure out a way to become finacially independent before you file. Come up with a solid exit plan. Once you file, even if he is ordered to pay things, he may not & it could take months to get any sort of money from him. It all depends on his reaction to it.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 4:00 PM

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This would be a question that you should post in legal so that possibly Spaz can give you some advice..

by deborah-trevino 1099 Posts
Posted on 7/6/2009 7:22 AM

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