divorce after almost 30 years

He is not willing to do anything..I told his family today, they had no idea what was going on, but know how bad off he is. We went on a trip a couple of months ago, and some of his siblings saw his behavior and were appalled. They told me I had options, didn't have to live that way, and no one deserved to be treated like that. I have been feeling very guilty as he has been blaming me for everything..after talking to his sister who knows, and has tried to help other family members (there is a long line of alcoholics in his family) she told me I had no reason to feel guilty, and supported me in my decision. That was a big weight off my shoulders..I was worried that everyone would blame me. I really can't afford an attorney, and still am looking for options. Thank you all for your comments.

i know what you are gong through, i am in the same boat but worse, heroin addict for a daughter, and weird stuff in my home is missing, and he has been sneeking women in the house while im sleeping. its hard but you can do this i am with support from my freinds. look up your state for divorce laws and get everything you are intitled too. chrissy

You can't live your life waiting for someone else to give you one.    He has his problems and they are his to deal with.   You cannot make him do anything.

You have to begin the healing process and take responsibility for your own life and happiness.    Try counseling and begin a healthy lifestyle of exercise and good nutrition.   With time and a lot of hard work (you have 30 years of horror to address) you will come out a stronger and healthier woman in your own right.  Good luck to you.

Then I think that's exactly what you should do.  Sounds like you have been through more than enough.   Abusers don't realize how badly emotional/mental abusive can affect their victim.  It does affect your health badly.  Not to mention your mental well being.

And like Iam says, start by speaking w/a lawyer.  Some don't even charge for their first consulation.

Good luck.

I moved out a month ago expecting that to jolt him into reality of what it will be like when I am gone. The day I left he took off on a last binge on a fishing trip to the mountains..not to AA or rehab.."to think" he said. He was never willing to go to counselling over the years, didn't believe in it. Well now that I've told him I'm never coming back, he says he wants to get clean..if he truly did, why didn't he start the day I left? This has been going on for years. I haven't had a real marriage in years, lived in depression/anxiety, etc..waiting for him to get help..I think if he would have gotten help sooner our marriage could have been saved, but I don't love him. He just called in fact and told me to give him 2 months to get sober..he keeps making excuses but does nothing. I am deteriotating physically after the years of emotional/mental abuse, and I just don't want to be with him anymore. There have been a couple of times where quit..medical problems..one was a bleeding ulcer that almost killed him. He went back to alcohol after a couple of months. I CANNOT go back and have the same thing happen again. I want to go on with my life and maybe find some happiness in the years I have left.

Get yourself a good attorney.  One who specializes in family law.  A good lawyer is a must.

Were there problems outside of alcohol/drugs?  (I know there can be a ton of problems in relation to those).

If it's just that, and he's a good husband when he's not using then I would try to seek help for him, if he's willing.

Alcoholism is a disease and that's how you need to look at it.  If he's a true alcoholic. 

Is he willing to go to rehab now?  Not next week, but now?  If he's not ready then rehab may not work.  And if he's not ready then you may have to make a decision for yourself.

Best of luck to you.