My wife had an affair

She said  she started seeing this other guy about four months ago.

"dont know what is wrong with me, but I forgive her," There is nothing wrong with you, it's not callled love becausue it mean like!  I can't imagine the hurt she caused you, but if there is anyway, go for it.

I take it the affair had been going on for a while then?  (he wants to marry her)  You answered 10yrs but I assume that's how long you guys were married (sorry, I had a compound question in my first response).

Well, anyway, I'd say the fact that this guy knows she's carrying his child and wants to marry her means he is definitely going to be around for the next 18yrs.

And if she wants to break it off with him and he doesn't want that, he may use the child as a way to stay in her life.

I'd say look at all the advice given and make your decision, but make it wisely.  Life can definitely throw a wrench into things and you just got one.  It is not an enviable position you're in and I do wish you the best, whatever you decide.

I didn't see a "My Story" in your profile to get more background on your situation so a few questions: 

I've been trying to access my account, tried everything, but nothing seemed to work, All I could do was to see your comments, so I opened a new one. I’m really happy to have found this site, and I don’t want any of you guys to think I don’t care about your advice.

How long have you guys been married and how long has this affair been going on?
Ten years.

If you hadn't "busted" her w/the affair, was she going to give birth to a child and have you believe you were the (bio) father? 
No, she wanted to have a conversation about two days before I found the text message, but never had it. She said she was going to tell me everything then.

Does the other man know she's preg w/his child?
Yes, 15 days before our conversation, she told me that she and that other guy went to the doctor, THE SAME DOCTOR WE WENT FOR OUR OTHER TWO KIDS and that she was two months pregnant that they talk about it and this guy offered to marry her and take care of the baby.

 

Oh, and whether you stay or go...make SURE your name is not on the birth certificate!!!

Yes, now.  If you wait and give it a try, if you say you forgive her and take her in and try to love her and the marriage fails anyway, you are truly screwed.  Get out while you have things on your side and you can have the advantage in court.

2CD

I may take heat as well, but I agree with 2CD.  What if you never saw the texts? How long would this of gone on before she confessed?  If you two are regularly intimate, would she of tried to say you were the father?  Maybe it's because I was cheated on, but I just could never trust that person again.  For those of you who can forgive and keep the marriage together, more power to you.  I just know I could not do it.  My advice...concentrate on you and your kids.  I thought the worst when I got divorced about how it would affect the kids (btw, they were 4 and 1 at the time).  Amazingly, they adjusted to everything wonderfully.  Much better than I expected.  Here we are 3 years later and everyone is happy.  Kids are more resilient than you think. 
Get out now.  It will be much less heartache in the long run.

you have gotten some good advice here....what I think is that no matter what bargains or agreements that you have made, you are putting the fate of that innocent child in you and your wife's hands. This child will need loving from both parents, meaning you too, if you decide to raise him or her. This child should get the same love as the other children because it's not fair to love him any less because of him having another father, it's not the child's fault here. .He should be equal as the others, and if you cannot give him that, then maybe you are making this decision without thinking it through. Sit back and think things over so that you go into this with both eyes wide open, for better or worse. I wish you the best.

Others might slam me for writing this, but take it from me, get out now.

2CD

I'm with lifeinpurgatory on this one.  By your own words, your wife is making a bargain and decision out of fear, not love...any decision made from duress is never a good or wise one.  By your own admission, you aren't sure if you can truly accept this child in your life.  It won't be enough to just tolerate this child or not hate it...if you accept this child, then you need to love this child as if it were your own...this child will be raised as a true sibling to the others...are you SURE you can love them all the same?  If you can't, I guarantee you that your marriage will end because of it.

Since you both are bargaining from a position of hurt and fear, I would not trust that love is the underlying reason you both stay.  I'm going to strongly recommend marriage counseling for you both.  There was a reason she stepped out on you, and you need to address that concern NOW.  For yourself, you need to find a way to get past the fact that she stepped out on you and make sure that the reason you stay is because you love her, not because you're afraid of losing her...there is a difference.

And finally, lifeinpurgatory is right...if this man decides to be a part of the baby's life, whether that be right away or later in life, he does have rights as the biological father.  Neither of you have the right to cut him out of the child's life and you may have to deal with the possibility of him being in your life in a limited way.  Can you accept that?

You have a difficult road ahead for you...and you need to get things squared away before that child is born.  Just remember to be open and honest with not only her, but with yourself as well.  I wish you luck in all this.  Keep us posted!

I didn't see a "My Story" in your profile to get more background on your situation so a few questions: 

How long have you guys been married and how long has this affair been going on?

If you hadn't "busted" her w/the affair, was she going to give birth to a child and have you believe you were the (bio) father? 

Does the other man know she's preg w/his child?

If the biological father want's to be part of the child's life, it doesn't matter if you and your wife wants him out, he's got legal rights to the child.  And if he fights for visitation and gets awarded that (plus child support), then your wife will have ties with this other man for the next 18yrs.

I am not at all trying to waive your decision, just make sure you know the possibilities of the future.

Best of luck.  OH!  And if you accept it all, you must love that child as your own, that would not be right if you didn't on many levels.

Hi, I too am a forgiving guy.  I would stay if she was truely sorry.  Women have hormones that we men fail to understand.  If you can forgive her, you are a hell of a guy.  She may be the greatest wife ever just because of your character.  If my wife were sorry, she would be in my arms now.  I am divorcing her because she isnot sorry.  She has returned, but I donot want her.  At least you have something to work with, as she is sorry.  However, this is just the begining as you both need to seek counseling.  After you recieve her back, you must NEVER bring the subject up again.  You are now making a decision that must stand forever.  Kev

"Although I think I will have problems to show any love to him.That will be something she'll have to do for now."

If you do this, you have to be able to treat that child exactly like your other children. You will be his father. I'm assuming here that you would not want the other guy in your lives. (??) If you can't do that, don't stay. How could that child not know that you love the others and not him?  That would be beyond cruel. Please, please don't do that.

I made it clear that If I was to accept the baby this man will be out of his life for good.She agreed on everything and ended that relationship within two days.
About the baby, I'm clear he's not guilty of anything, I can handle raising him, I wont hate him or anything like that, Although I think I will have problems to show any love to him.That will be something she'll have to do for now.

I have a couple of questions.  Did she end the relationship?  Can you truly forgive her?  If you stay and try to make things work, how will you feel raising another man's child?  Will he be involved in his/her life?  You don't need to make a decision right away, rather this is something you must really think through.  Only you can know what is right for you.  I wish you much luck.