14 Years of Being Together On The Line. Very Scared I Might Loose.

First off I would like to thank everyone for the help that is put forth in this forum. I hope I will be able to answer some questions and help others. Unfortunetly one of the issues my wife has with me is my constant (almost addiction) to on-line hobby forums I moderate. I stopped all computer use last week and brought my laptop to my parents house to show her I am serious and she means more to me than a on-line web forum. Nothing bad when on-line. Just way to much on-line and ignoring her in the mean while. All though I am back on-line, this is just to seek help with my marriage, and finding resources to help me. I stumbled upon Divorce360 and here I am.

The Back Ground:

(You can skip this as it is kind of a long read)

We had our first child when she was 18 and I was 19. We had some rocky times at first because of her love for alcohol and partying. When she got pregnant with our first son this changed and our relationship moved forward. Then I started to get comfortable after the birth of our first child, and things started to get rocky again, but this was mostly due to my selfishness with my personal hobbies. None of which involved other woman.    

Then in about 4 years into our relationship I did change things for the better and moved into a great location so our family could be together. We got married also and shortly after had our second child. Things went pretty good for the next four years and we even build a new home and where really living a dream life. After being in our new home for about 1.5 years I started to get selfish with how I did things (hobbies and time spent with her) and she found comfort in another man (no sex but did kiss once) . This rocked my world and I changed my ways. We worked it out and moved forward with our marriage.

  Well being the stupid guy I am about 3 years later I started to get over comfortable once again. I could even see my self falling back into a slug of a husband. Well one of her best friends husbands started to text her his feelings he had for her. Feeling unwanted to a point from me (while I love her more than anything in this world) she started to text back for the attention. This went on for about a month when she put a block on her phone and told her best friend about what was happening. Her best friend (even though nothing happened and they never even met) did not take it well. My wife works with her best friend and is actually a supervisor over her. At this point my wife told me about the situation. I was a little mad at first but just wanted it to end. Fully knowing if I had just shown a little more attention to my wife this would have never happened. We started to work things out and actually fell back more in love after I put forth the effort to be a better husband.

  Well that was 6 months ago and about a month ago I started (not that bad though/just a little) sinking back into my husband slug style again. Well right away "she" contacted her best friends husband again just as friends and looking for attention and an update about her former best friend. At this point he is under going a divorce from what happened last fall between them (among other issues he was part of with his wife and what happened last fall put her over the edge). I will also add that my wife is no longer friends with her best friend anymore (a very bad experience which I was their for her 100%). This one time phone call escalated into him sharing his feelings about her and telling her he loved her. This happened last week. When this happened it was because of my procrastination in giving her a $100 check she needed for a bill (very stupid mistake on my part). She went over to his house and got the hundred dollars from him. She said at that point she realized that she had some feelings for him also and told me about it right away the next day. She is a very good woman and I trust her when she said she never slept with him, kissed him or even "loves" him at this point. She says just it is just some feelings and a connection of sorts because they seem to have sevral things in common. So me being shocked and hurt when I found out, right away I did the old (I need to change) thing, and went head over heals in the other direction. She now is texting and even talking to him right in front of me. She does tell and show me everything that is going on. She did see him once last Thursday but since then has cooled it a little. One of his daughters showed up at her work, confronted her about what was going on and how she felt about it (not happy and she is 16). She acually told my wife to grow up and think of her familey. This was last Friday. Now she says she is torn between me and this guy and asking for me to move out for a week or two so she can think. Now I am sitting here at D360.

So my question is "should I move out"?

Almost over night last week we went from a couple in love, expressing it very openly, to where she will not even say "I love you" when I say I love her. She will not kiss me on the lips right now also. We do still sleep in the same bed right now, and cuddle a little, but she is getting less and less cuddley every day. I am still wearing my wedding ring, but she did take it off last week the night before she went over to barrow the $100 from him, and has not put it back on as of yet. She wants to talk about it but at the same time wants to have time to think. A good thing is she is feed up with both "him" and I trying win her over, but still takes to the both of us. I did leave this last Saturday for a week to stay at my parents. As soon as I left she started to text me. Not saying come back or anything but just some Q.A... I did not want to leave but she says this will clear her head to make a choice. So after about 6-7 hours I was back at home talking with her and trying to tell her the "bad" points about this guy she thinks is so great. This guy she is seeing totaly threw her under the bus last fall in the texting thing that started this. He also has been saying some things that I find hard to believe, and even my wife has questions this. She texts him back and he tells another story that she falls for. For one I think his main motive with my wife is to get back at his EX by being involved with her. My wife is very attractive and I am sure that is a motivator for him also. What I do not get is why would my wife want to even be in this drama which involves here work, a former best friend, a proven lier and his children (which he says changed their minds over night about hating my wife) do not want my wife around because of the hardship of their parents divorce.

We have 2 very good, loving, smart and responsible kids. Both around 10 years old. They have no idea of this situation yet (thank god). My gut fear is if I leave my wife will further the relationship with him. If I am their she seems to side with me more when I talk with her. I want ot be their but is it the right thing. Once you leave your house their is a good chance you may never beable to come back. But there is no way my wife will leave with out our children and she is not taking them out of the house at this point.

I know this is a long post but I just have to get this off my chest as I have not told "anyone" about this entire deal. Not even my parents. When I went over their on Saturday, I just said we had a tiff that I caused, and I had to let her cool off a little. I am just lost and do not know what to do. Thanks to these forums I have found I am not alone.

One side note and this may have back fired a little one me. I did contact "the other guy" for the first time yesterday. I was very calm and cool. I even made script of my feelings that I was going to tell him prior to making the call. Nothing was said from me that would get me in trouble with the law. This guy is not worth going to jail over. Just my feelings about my wife, what I though about what he is really doing when trying to be with my wife, how his situation could possible cost my wife her job, and telling him to stop all contact with my wife. I did all the talking and he just listened (surprised I would do this).  Half way threw reading my script, he had to go, and hung up. He did say he is not texting my wife any longer unless she texted him first. Well that was B.S., because he was texting her right while we where on the phone, telling her who he was talking to. Then he texted a couple times last night saying I am not the "one" yada yada. This will be my last only contact after finding out about this. My wife did not like what I did and this even ruined a nice dinner last night and some progress I gained over the weekend.

Again sorry for the long post. I just feel better getting this off my chest, possibley getting some advice that might help me win my wife back, and end this nightmare. My wife says she does still love me and just does not know if she is "in" love with me. I will change this time because it has never went this far. I have went to the doctor and have seeked help for my lack of being a good husband. I will not loose my family for my hobbies and on-line chatting for long periods of time at night helping others when I should be talking to my wife. 

Thank you so very much for any responce. Just typing this post has helped me some.