Update on me... 

This week was a little bit better for me. Monday I had lunch with a new friend. She's quite a bit younger then me but has been so kind to me and everytime I talk to her I feel much more positive. She tells me how great of a person I am and I seriously haven't heard that in forever. I never realized how brain washed I was in this relationship. He really convinced me that I was the reason for our problems and his misery. He made me feel that if I would just fix this or that things would be okay for us. I felt like a hamster running on a wheel. I am a smart person and sometimes I wonder how I came to this way of thinking. He also made me feel that me always wanting to be with him was a problem and it wasn't normal. Now I look back and realize I was just trying to have a relationship with him! I mean it got to the point where asking him to watch something on t.v. together after he worked 12 hours was asking too much.  I got to where I really believed that I was just too annoying and that maybe I did have major problems. He basically let me know that I would never change and never be able to live without him. Anyways, this friend has helped me realize otherwise coming from an abusive relationship herself. She often comments about how well I'm holding up and strong I appear. I always felt so weak but she has helped me to see that I really am strong! I may not always feel that way but I like that others are commenting about it.

Yesterday he picked up the paperwork to go have notarized. He returned them to me and I will do the same and then Monday he will turn them in. Then we will get our court date and that's that. I don't look forward to actually seeing him but I have no choice. I don't know how I will react but I don't even care. I'm going to be me and if I cry that is fine, and if I don't that's fine too.

He has been really nice to me this week when he talks to me. Almost too nice. I emailed him asking him what was up. He said he was just tired of fighting and he said he really did mean it that he hopes we can be friends after I heal. HAHA! He is not even worthy of my friendship. If I was so terrible, like he was saying in the beginning of all of this then why would you want to be my friend? I guess I wasn't so bad huh? What a jerk.

Anyways, it's still a bunch of highs and lows but I'm hanging in there. The more I realize that I was not treated right in this relationship and how disrespected he was I find myself letting go a little more.

**update**

Another reason he is a complete jerk....the dog got into a pack of sugar free gum this week with Xylitol. I told him this and over the phone he acted concerned. I said she had just vomited some blood and I was on my way to the vet. Haven't heard from him since. I thought he might text me just asking if she was okay.This may not seem like a big deal to some but this dog was our child. I can't even tell you how much we did with her and how much he seemed to love her. For him not to even care what has happened to her makes me sick. He is a rotten.