He filed the papers 

Friday night the stbx came by to pick up the divorce papers that I had signed. I decided to leave it in the door because I wasn't ready to see him. I watched through the window as he walked away and I did feel some emotion. This worries me becuase I don't know how what it's going to feel like on our court day. I kind of dread it. 

Anyways, he called me this morning to say he turned the papers in. I questioned him about some rumors that have gotten back to me. Apparently some people we know are talking about our breakup and some intimate details of our life. I asked him about this and he denied really saying anything to his coworkers but I know he has. Again, I feel so betrayed. I have to face all of these people at church. He stopped going, so he doesn't. Anyways we talked a little and he ends up telling me that he just doesn't see me ever letting go. He said, you'll never get over this. I said sarcastically, yeah so for the rest of my life  you'll think I'll never get past this? he said Yeah I really don't think you will. He said it's the kind of person that I am and I'm needing to see justice. I asked him if he honestly thought I was still in love with him. He said no, but I don't think you can get over the end of the relationship. This really bothered me. I felt so put down. This is what he always did to me, made me feel insecure, helpless, and just someone who had "problems" It's like me having emotions was always me really having issues. I spent years in therapy feeling so messed up. It was major emotional abuse. It's only been four months since my world was flipped upside down and he thinks I'm really dragging this out too long. Sheesh!

I had just bought the book Getting Past Your Breakup last night. When I got off the phone I picked it up and the chapter was about going no contact with your ex. Thank goodness I read that. It helped me so much and I have promised myself that I will not talk to him anymore...unless it's about something with the court date. He just brings me down and insults me and I'm sick of it. I realized that each time we talk I try to get answers and say how I feel and it does no good. He doesn't care and he's never going to say what i want him to say. He will never say he's sorry and mean it. He's just going to continue to be cold and heartless and I'm only hurting myself by trying to get "answers" from him.

By the way I really like this book...it's been so helpful!