Do you think 'needing a challenge' when it comes to dating is a positive or negative thing? 

Recently, as I sat telling a gf what kind of man I hope to meet one day, she tacked on  "AND - he needs to be challenge Delaine.  You need that, otherwise you'll lose interest."

I just kind of grinned and didn't think much of it again...till I had another conversation about it with two other gfs.  My first gf said the expression, 'needing a challenge' has an undertone of anxierty to it - as if the relationship should be stressful and full of ups and downs.  My other gf's opinion was even more poignant.  She said that because I've been attracted to hurt, broken men in past, I probably mix that somewhere into the 'challenge' component, even if unconsciously. 

Suddenly, I'm not thinking 'needing a challenge' is a positive expression anymore.  And since we are inwardly afftected by the language we use, I'm rethinking whether it's one I should use at all. 

When I was younger, I admit I went for Bad Boys; there was something to the chase and yes, on some level I WAS secretly hoping to win them, change them, etc.  But now that I'm all grown up, a mother of three, and hopefully I know better, that's not the kind of challenge I want.  I want to put my energy into a relationship that challenges me to a better person, to grow intellectually and spiritually - NOT one that challenges me to 'manage' him and the relationship while curbing my personal growth.

I don't know.  Perhaps instead of saying "I want a challenge," I should say:  I want a man who will earn me - not by money (sillies) or by changing into something he thinks I want him to be.  But by him recognizing that his changing and time spent  in earning me pushes him to be a better person and that's a goal he wants.  Does that make ANY sense? lol

Delaine

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