Can I have sex like a man? 

I am a male and I cannot stand the sterotype.I have been with three women in my 52 yrs..
I have to have the emotional connection in order to even contemplate making love to a woman.Yes,sometimes I hate that because you women are right most men can do it with who ever.
Before this relationship a woman at work came on to me extremely strong.I was single and uninvolved.We went on several dates and a couple of concerts.We had a blast.After about four months I helped her gain employment with the government.She was so grateful.We still continued to date regularly.
One night,she was at my home.We were making out and she stripped naked and proceeded to attempt to undo my trousers.I had very strong feelings for her but did not want to have sex because I did not feel as if we had progressed enough emotionally.Wow,did she take it the wrong way.It totally crushed her and embarrassed her.I spent the rest of the evening reassuring her that she was not the issue.Eventually she came to understand.
She is now very high in management and has told all of her close women friends about my integrity and she tells them how special I am.
In retrospect,I am so glad that I took the high road because it has paid dividends to me now.In fact one of her close friends has told me when my divorce is finalized,she would very much like to meet with me again.
Ladies if the opportunity should present itself again,should I make love to her or forget it? She is special to me but now carries much being in upper management.
We have run into one another from time to time.At our school,she tried to ignore me but I was with my stbx.I took that as respect.Another time at a concert,we were in the same box,she stayed respectfully behind me!

I had a sex the other night for the 1st time outside of my 13 year marriage. I thought I just wanted to have meaningless sex. My 1st mistake was that it was with a man I am aquainted with, someone I like. It was fun and the sex was very good considering it was the 1st time. I had a few feelings of guilt after the 1st go round , but got past that. However I feel like I am a one night stand at 47. I must say that it sucks, I like this guy and enjoying being around him but now feel like he just wanted sex. To be honest I guess I did tell him that I just wanted to have sex. So yeah I know I asked for it.
So much for meaningless sex, I think for me that isn't an option.  I could have had sex with my soon to be ex and not felt as bad as I do now!

Hey BB, Lots of people have given advice here. I was married for 18 years, completely faithful, to a man who didn't like sex. Seriously. He married me because I'm beautiful and he wanted a trophy wife. Stuipid me. I thought he loved me and tried to make it work. I'm pissed that I wasted so much of my youth with him. As for dating like a man, why? I've been dating but have found that I want a relationship. That last is going to be surprising when you find out that the men I;m dating are in their 20's. Maybe you should try one. I've found that most of the men I've been out with in their 40's or even 30s want to know what they can get out of it. THe younger ones want to know what will please me and keep asking, in the bedroom and out. I realize it would be akward to meet the parents who are probably only 5 to 10 years older than I am, but I do like the current one. Two of his friends told me if I stopped seeing him to give them a call. No chance, they're his friends. If there's no relationship, it's empty and pointless. If he takes me out to dinner and buys me presents for a few weeks before we have sex it's a lot more exciting.This might be why I'm multiorgasmic. I'd suggest you experiment with your own fingers, let him see you do it, and then let him experiment. There are a lot of different positions to try. I might not be the best one to suggest a way to get there with just him, since it's generally pretty easy for me . There are all kinds of different spots inside that he can reach from different positions. I also find it exciting to have sex many times. After the first 2 or 3 I'm jsut getting started. My ex told me that there was something wrong with me because I liked sex too much and I should see the doctor for something to reduce my sex drive. I told him other men would kill to be in his position. Don't know why I stayed.

So sorry, I have never posted here before, so I am having a little trouble with the formatting. This post should be better. but it is a duplicate:

I am a 45 y/o man actually divorced twice (married to older women both times), and some of these stereotypes apply to me, but not solely for the reasons mentioned here. However, I don’t do dumb any more. She has to be intelligent and a good conversationalist to hold my interest. The best way she can hold my attention is to challenge me intellectually. She doesn’t get a pass just because she is cute.

For me it is easy, I am at a point in my life now where all of my responsibilities have been met. I worked hard for 25 years to get here. I want to have some fun now. I want to go snow boarding and sky diving and to travel and SCUBA dive all over the world. I want to drink heavily and stay late in loud bars. I want to sleep late, and cure hangovers with more alcohol. I want to have sex like a porn star, often and with ALL of the toys and accessories, and with inhibitions checked at the door. I want to see racy / naughty under garments when she is undressing.

That is a tall order for most women my age. The ones that I have met want to be my mom. They want to have dinner cleared and the kitchen cleaned by 7:30 so they can get in a couple hours with the novel du jour and their fuzzy slippers before falling into a nice chaste sleep. Been there, done that for 25 years.

I spent my youth with someone who just wanted me to be responsible and to have fun only in carefully metered boring doses. I am looking for adrenaline now, and at 45, that is definitely not going to come from an older woman.

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I am a 45 y/o man actually divorced twice (married to older women both times), and some of these stereotypes apply to me, but not solely for the reasons mentioned here. However, I don’t do dumb any more. She has to be intelligent and a good conversationalist to hold my interest. The best way she can hold my attention is to challenge me intellectually. She doesn’t get a pass just because she is cute.

 

For me it is easy, I am at a point in my life now where all of my responsibilities have been met. I worked hard for 25 years to get here. I want to have some fun now. I want to go snow boarding and sky diving and to travel and SCUBA dive all over the world. I want to drink heavily and stay late in loud bars. I want to sleep late, and cure hangovers with more alcohol. I want to have sex like a porn star, often and with ALL of the toys and accessories, and with inhibitions checked at the door. I want to see racy / naughty under garments when she is undr

Ladies , Ladies , Ladies really now no one else except your EX's never is a long time. I admit it does not seem to appealing ladies but look at it this way. You may just have grown use to the X's touch but hey no reason to be stingy. You really don't think that alot of you may be haning on in side that could be saying he was the only one. Ladies like going to the market and not shopping. Look I understand your fears of being with some one else. Even men have those thoughts NOT Fears. But you know you ladies are like presents waiting to be opened with all kinds of goodies yets to be explored. Now what would santa claus say about you being stingy. Look when some time has gone by and you got your life together some one will come along that will jimmy your cricket again then you will see. Its not that easy I understand but dang it Life goes on with em or with out them.

We can't be like guys cuz we think too much.  If we could just turn that off....

Constantgardner, for some men it is the same as women.  I ensured that she got her O every time we coupled, and she made sure that I ejaculated, but it stopped being satisfying years ago. 

It didn't matter what she did, she couldn't please me.  Given this scenerio, one would think that I was the one that would be prone to cheat, but it was the other way around.  Early in our marriage (21 years) sex was better than I ever had before.  I literally couldn't contain the muscle spasms.  After her affair(5years ago), I had to fake it.  How's that for a switch.  I tried to reconsile with her, but couldn't forgive her and dug deeper and found more lies and deciet.  If I'm out here, there are others too ladies, don't give up hope.

betabear this is a great string with many interesting comments.  also 'betabear' is one of the best usernames i've seen.

 

i too am always willing to work a BOB into the deal, back in the days when my wife and i actually slept together.  but, i think there's a point where it becomes obsessive.  like insisting on bringing it on the honeymoon.  Or when things are getting heated up on the couch in the "spontaneous" way she says is what she likes -- then "wait, i have to get my BOB" is a real buzzkill.  every single time without exception.

Imagine if there was some kind of BOG(irlfriend) I had to use every single time we had sex?  how inadequate she would feel, and probably you too?

 

I'm gonna brag for a minute and say i'm capable of giving just about any girl an "O".  the only 'equipment' required for that is your tongue btw....i was lucky and had a girl teach me how to do it when i was young.  so i tell everyone who will listen to concentrate on oral skills.....

 

the thing is, i can easily bring my wife to that state, she just finds the BOB 'O' is somewhat stronger.  so she has to have it every single time.   having fun is great, and i want her to have all the pleasure she can have, but it can be a little disappointing for a guy not to be the source of pleasure.

Gradually I felt so alienated by this (there's lots of reasons this is just the 'proximate' one) we stopped having sex, but she doesn't miss it because she prefers BOB anyway.

I miss it.  funny, i've never said anything about this aloud before.

love a woman's opinion on this if anyone's still reading.....

gb13,
I give you alot of credit for making the hugh effort it can
take to even get a woman to "O".  Kudo's to you for
making that happen.  The women that can without "BOB"
are very lucky.  I wish I could.  I did not even have my first
orgasm til I was 28,(finally with the help of "BOB") I realize
I am the only one responsible for achieving that height.
As far as your question "Why would I want to have sex
like a man?"  It was because I had been hurt so bad by
the ex and maybe I was trying to seek out attention.
I have found out the hard way, it did not make me feel
any better about myself!  My ex was more than happy to
include the third party because he liked using him (it) on me.
I enjoyed it as well, it was exciting, a little kinky, and he
knew if I was having fun, he would as well.  I would have
several "O's" with my ex using this method as it was the
only way I could get there.  Thus, sex was very good for
both me and my ex.  Sadly, this is part of the reason I am
so depressed over my divorce.  I am not happy that I rely
solely on this device to achieve "O", but at least I can!!!
Please, don't misunderstand me, I enjoyed being intimate
with my ex, and many times I did not even use my friend,
because I wanted him to be happy and focus on his
enjoyment.  You sound like a very nice man, and you
deserve a good woman in your life. 
In closing, I miss my ex so much, it will take a very long
time to feel safe enough to be intimate like that with
someone new. 
Sheila-GO OUT TODAY AND GET A NEW ONE!
Angielou- I know exactly what you are going thru, get a cat
or a dog now to cuddle with, (almost as good).  Sounds
like he really messed with your head right up to the end!
What a A#@(*^$%$. 

I need to invest in a new BOB.  Old one stop working for some reason.....

I need to invest in a new BOB.  Old one stop working for some reason.....

Wow,  I really miss sex...not just sex, having someone next to me ....Sex was the best part of our marriage.  Right up until he left....I was blindsided when he said he was leaving because we had been having a regular physical relationship.  Even when he knew he was leaving (I didn't know yet), he was still initiating sex with me, spooning, cuddling, always having a hand on me when we slept.  I guess that's the part I miss the most.  My stbx was not my only lover in life (before we were married), but now I can't imagine being with anyone else...it's not that he was the best, but I really loved him and the thought of being than intimate with anyone else is daunting.  Oh, well, if nuns can do it, I guess I can too!

first off honey, those are not men. They are penises with legs, end story lol.

Ok, I give. I can't promise you the big O like BOB can. I am a real man though and I give it everything I have not to "have sex like a man". I don't want to walk away afterwards. I have participated in threesomes with my ex and some dude named BOB. I didn't at first. It took a while for me to let it happen. I decided, one day, that I wasn't going to let it bother me. I changed my whole outlook. The day I did that was the last day it ever bothered me. That's the truth. I always tried to make it happen. We made it happen many times in a way I didn't expect at first. But it worked almost every time, and without BOB. Bob might be quick, easy, and dependable but compared to a real live man that is willing to try anything to be a physical part of you reaching the big O, he's still Bottom Of the Barrel. As for your main question that started all this; can you have sex like a man? My answer is, by your definition of that, why would you want to?

Hey bg13,
I have not and would not introduce "Bob" into any new
relationship.  I would be too embarrased.  Most men still
believe that they are capable of giving women the
big "O" solely on the use of their equipment alone.
Ah, but we women know better.  And if you are a woman
who can reach that height with men's "equipment" than
BRAVO to you.  You are very lucky indeed. 
Unfortunately, "Bob" is quick, fast and easy but not a good
conversationalist.  He's not good at spooning either.
I miss intimacy so much with a man, a real man, but my
cat is good at spooning.   I do miss the love of a real
human male.

Ladies,
I am a divorce attorney, and I need to tell you what I hear from women and men over and over again related to this comment.  Men complain that women stop being their "lover".  Women tell me matter of factly that there has been no sex in the relationship for long periods of time before the divorce was begun.  As women, we are challenged by balancing all our roles in life - work, mom, wife,etc.  But we forget that we are also human beings.  Women need our own space and personal time and often we refuse to demand it b/c we are too busy serving what we have been taught to do for others.  Women need sex.  Our upbringing my have led us to look at sex in a religious way and not as a biological need.  When we begin to equate sex with our needs for love or closeness or attachment, then we are sorely disappointed.  Women, have sex when you want to have it and seek your own pleasure.  If you are not getting off with the partner you picked, then tell him about it or show him how to.  If you don't know, then read some books.  Men don't always get the same pleasure from a sexual encounter with every woman - they just get an orgasm but that doesn't mean that they are leaving that encounter "satisfied".  The biggest thing I can tell people that will help them in their relationships whether single or married is get to know your sexual self.  Be confident in seeking your own pleasure with your sexual partner.  Many people are too self-conscious or inhibited to be direct about it.  There is nothing wrong with you  - you just need to adjust your way of thinking.  Be selfish about it - don't look at the other side of the grass.  I have plenty of clients who trade out their wives for a "cupcake" and they are miserable fairly soon.  Don't let yourself stop being that "hot girlfriend" that the man married.  You can do this without looking like a cupcake, and you do it by how you make the man feel and he needs you to do that sexually.  You may even have fun yourself.  Opening that door in your relationship may lead to a new phase of satisfaction for both of you.

Hey betabear, I didn't mean that there are men that treat you like dogs would. There are men that will do that. Although most men have more of an opinion than a dog does. I meant that men treat you like you are a dog. And there are men that don't treat their dogs very good. As far as finding Mr. Right with the big O producing ability...It just seems like maybe you're sitting in the cart, waiting for a great ride and you haven't found a well trained horse to pull that cart. Not that it would take a horse to get you where you want to go, but you know what I mean. If you approach this problem from a position of strength and knowledge, you will end up much happier. You'll have to get over the "bruised by life" syndrome and keep trying. Sure it's easier said than done, most things are. You probably know women better than I when it comes to what works and why. Most women need more than dinner, a movie and 5 minutes to get to the big O. That's where the longer, deeper love comes in. So don't you think that love and friendship should come(cum) before you do? So many women can't get there without a love connection when they're with a man. Isn't that the whole idea of doing it with another PERSON and not a machine. It probably feels pretty damn good when BOB gets you there, but I'll bet if a man got you there, 99% of the time, it's because you love each other and there's a connection and understanding between you that only you share. As far as introducing BOB into a threesome...don't have a threesome on your first rondezvous with a guy you want it to work with. If it's a guy you love, give him a chance. Sure it takes time, communication, and understanding to try new things, like BOB. Right off the bat a guy might think he's not good enough to deliver, and the real problem is the chemistry between you two. Women want patience in the bedroom... be patient too. All in good time. BTW, since you mentioned it, and what you're doing isn't working too well...say a prayer.
 QB13

....bob....

You do sound like a real catch! I was married 24 years in a sexless marraige. I always thought that sex was so much a part of our well being. The intimacy of sex....love can bring & should bring two people closer together. I was one of those good catholic boys who was taught, but not necessarilly believed that sex should wait until after marriage. So I waited patiently...then on our wedding night I was turned down! That pretty well set the tone for the rest of our 24 year long marriage. Well, after the marraige ended I thought its time to make up for all the time Ive lost. This wasnt as easy as I thought it would be. I have been with a few women whom Ive had wonderful sex with. They are all wanting to continue having sex and seem to be very wonderful. BUT,
there is no feeling there other than the two or three nightly wonderful times we have sex. I want more than sex too. I want that sense of being truely loved! So, I guess, like you I will continue to search.....good luck

I dont know if I am am entitled to still post here. I signed up when I was going through a horrible separation with my wife, and was beside myself because I couldn't figure out whats going on. She found out she was pregneant, and we reconciled, and blamed a lot of it on chemical balances, and mistakes we both made. So thankfully I am not a DIVORCEE (yet lol thankfully) but i was pushed pretty close to it, and I still get emails from this site and had to comment. So thats my story, if I see oppisition of me posting here from everybody I will resign. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear for your situation. I'm sorry to hear about having to compete with guys that just want girls in their 20's. Well I got news for you. Not every guy is like that. I am 26. Still fairly young, and a sucessfull independent businessman, and a home owner. When I was single, (only a few years ago,) i was looking for a girl in her late 20's early thirties, since i was like only 22, and because of my success and maturity didn't want a girl my age. Although there are mature 20yr old gilrs out there but I had a tough time finding them. I got lucky and ended up finding a mature independent girl the same age as me and we are happily married for 3 yrs. There are guys that dont want to relive their teen years. When i was 20 i was looking for 25-30. Some men don't want to play games and just want a serious relationship. In my line of work Ive made friends in their forties. Some of them single. And when some of them tell me there trying to find a girl thats 22 and they are 42, I try and get them to think about that. I point out that when they turn 60 their girl will be 40, and a lot of females would think thats not very cool. I suggest them to find a woman closer to their age, thats a good person that will love them, trust them, count on them, and move forward in life with them.So you can can go ahead and "have sex like a man." I admit that seemed cool early in my life. But when 25-35+ its time to figure it out

Forgot to add...I'll never forget one of the first guys I went out with who was my age (early 30's) sat across the table from me and was telling me how so many women he meets just want a man to take care of them...blah blah blah...
Then, after further conversation he adds...yeah..there's just something about those 22 yr olds!
I was completely shocked!  That was my strong dose of reality that I was competing with women 10 yr younger than me!  After almost falling off the bar stool I said...well, that right there is your problem!  DUH! 
So...does this mean I should be looking at guys 10 yrs older than me???

Wow!  I can sooo relate to this topic.
I was married young (20 yrs old) and my ex was my only partner.  So of course, once we were divorced I was curious to "play the field".  I was also very shattered from him cheating on me after 12 yrs of marriage.  I did not have the emotional capacity to do anything but "have fun".  Like you, I realized quickly how empty meaningless sex is and was left feeling unsatisfied and empty too.  Although I think in a way I was sort of just doing it to get back at him or something.  And it did feel good to have a man's attention like that, I'm not gonna lie.  I too was shocked at how many men are "givers" since my ex wasn't one!  Looking back, this explains a lot about our relationship and his selfish ways.  Anyways, it's been almost a year now since I'm divorced, and I finally feel like I'm ready for more, ready for something real, a companionship, not just a hookup.  Being a single, 34 yr old, career mom of 3 school age boys is not so marketable I've learned.  And a lot of guys I have met are losers who fall off the face of the earth after we go out (if we're intimate or not- doesn't seem to matter). So I've turned my attention to myself.  I'm working on me.  I've sort of given up on "playing the field".   For now anyways....

Hey, canary- we need to talk.  I was once talking to the man I recently lost and he said- "What is the definition of sexy?  Funny and smart."  He often told me that was what attracted me to him.  He had no clue what I looked like, but knew for years, he wanted to talk to me.  I felt exactly the same way. 

As for sex like a man- not all men are like that.  I've met many who like the after sex cuddle.  In fact, my guy (not ex husband) used to say, "Sex is just foreplay for cuddling."

oh yeah I referr to those men as licks, ho dogs,  nasty azz's , Losers they ruin it for us men looking for ladies like you

hmmmmm hmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmm hey does this count ;)