Do the cheaters REALLY regret leaving their spouse? 

A person can regret leaving. My husband did. He apologized to me and to my parents. Begged for a 2nd chance. He admits that they were never meant to be intimate only friends. 
I told my husband that he had to cut off all communication and go to therapy. Well he has been going to therapy but still twitters/texts her because he misses her friendship. 
He tells me that his therapist does not berate him for still keeping contact and understand what he's getting from her even if it's not sexually. 
So I'm at the point of just kicking him out of the house or see if more therapy will help or find him a new therapist.
Mind you I'm going to therapy too and probably will need a kick in the butt to help me sort all of this out.  I was all ready to file for divorce when he said that he wanted to come back and told me that he didn't want a divorce. I have no problem starting that process again.

Well...

In my case, my self centered, lying, manipulating, narcissistic ex would only POSSIBLY regret it if (and only while) the grass wasn't far greener on her new side of the fence.

She cheated on me, left me, and moved in with her rich boyfriend (whose marriage she destroyed).  He makes 2x what I do, yet I still have to pay her $1,800 a month for child support, for one child (6 years old) who lives with me exactly 1/2 of the time.  So, how can I explain why she is absolutely miserable and rude to my new girlfriend (who I met 3 years after my ex left me)????  Does she regret leaving?  No, she's just upset because her "safety net" is finally gone, and not available should loverboy kicks her ass out of HIS house!

For a word of encouragement go to rejoiceministries.com. You will see with God all things are possible. You are still hurting and that is because of what is going on. If you follow God he'll show you the way and heal your hurt. Your spouse does feel regret and guilt, even though he won't admit it. Someday he will have to go before God and answer to Him for what he did. Forgive him and seek the Lord.

I know that its very painful for you right now. You are hurting, and a part of you still loves him and cares enough about him to want for YOU to matter to HIM enough where he comes to you and says he messed up.  But hun, as many others told me before I reached where I am at today, I'm going to say the same thing to you:

It doesn't matter if he regrets it, because one day you are going to wake up, the pain will be gone, and you will be happier.  You will find yourself doing things you couldn't before, with people you wouldn't have been doing them with had you and him remained together.  You can't go backwards and change life and its events - you can only move forward, and how you do that is up to you.

Mourn the loss of your old life and your marriage, because its important to do that. But trust me, hun - one day, you'll think back about this exact question, and be like "shrug,. who cares".

My ex told me he knew it was wrong, but he had just gotten emotionally attached to this woman.  The fact that he just wanted to run to her told me there were much deeper issues, not just with us, but with him.  He was never so recklous in decision making.  So, I am sure he loved her or thought he  did./does.  The important thing was that he no longer wanted to be with me.  So, I knew I had to let him go.  I have remained gracious throughout all this because it's the way I think.  I know that tomorrow I have to wake up and live with the decisions I make today.  I also have great faith and believe he and his mistress, now his wife, have the greater burden to carry.

They don't regret it.  They can always justify it.

Here is what my ex regrets:

He regrets that I found out and left.
He regrets no one is there to manage his money.
He regrets no one is there to get the kids off to school every morning.
He regrets there is no one to clean the house, make the appointments, and run his household.
He regrets not having a warm body to have sex with whenever the urge hits.

He has already found a clueless replacement.  And over time, when she wises up, he will find someone else.  It's the "Circle of Wife" LOL

I filed I left after years of cheating an abuse. I really don't care if he regrets what he did to me I don't plan on hearing it. What I do hope he regrets in how he has not seen our children and grandchildren for almost a year now. 
That to me should bring him great remorse.

Mine never took responsibility for anything he did. He'll never regret it because he'll find some way to blame it on me.

I'm a bad girl, so if you have delicate sensibilities don't read any further. I already got my revenge. He was bad in bed. He had a small, you know and no clue what to do with it. I had such life altering sex with my first boyfriend and then the second, in the same house where he left me, that I stopped for quite awhile thinking about him entirely. At the begining I thought about the expression on his face if he knew. Then when we reached that other plane of existence I stopped thinking about him entirely. I know he isn't getting this from her, or from him. This is what I was missing from my marriage and if he hadn't left I would never have had the chance to get it. I am SO, SO glad he left! I just think he chose a crappy  way to do it. Unfortunately life isn't only sex, so I still have a lot of bad days.

I used to hope to hear those words, "I made a mistake." or "I f***ed up." but now I find it doesn't matter anymore. I used to dream of different scenarios that he would say that and I would imagine my response to him. It helped me get through the worst of the pain but I find that it doesn't matter anymore. I KNOW what he gave up. That is enough for me. He may or may not realize what he gave up with me but I think he will one day regret what he gave up with his kids...The sad thing is, he didn't have to give up his kids...but he chose to walk away from the whole family, not just me. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things I ever did, but it helped me find peace, by forgiving him, I lost the need to see him on his knees. He still doesn't get it and maybe he never will, but it is no longer my concern. He is not part of my life anymore. He doesn't understand that either, but it is not my problem.

I am just waiting for the day that my ex realizes what he gave up. I was always there to support him but yet he said I never was. He had completley lost it by the time we got to such a bad place in our marriage. When I confronted him about texting this woman 7800 times a month, and that didn't count e-mails, telephone calls, meetings, he said they were "just friends". Not so. Then the pictures materialized on the internet that I found.That was the final straw. I did get my just dessert cuz I left work, drove right home (he works out of our home) confronted him, packed him up and kicked him out but not before I took his Levitra and cancelled his prescriptions. So he might have a girlfriend, but he isn't getting any action off of MY Money or MY insurance for sure. I don't know where things stand with him now too much. He is still seeing her, but it hurts daily. I still can't believe he gave me up for some skank. That is everyone's comment and it hurts me deeply to know that I was cast aside after 21 years of being a good wife, provider, supporter, everything for some woman that has nothing to offer him but sympathy about how the "world has done him wrong" and "nothing is his fault". What a bunch of crap. She is as screwed up as he is. So she can have him and honestly, even if he came back begging, I could never take him back after the betrayal I felt from him cheating and plasting it all over Myspace, although he said it was my fault for looking at his and her pages. What a jerkoff. They deserve one another.

animator sounds like a "jilted man"! It's sooo not true that people who cheat have no conscience. They do have feelings and a conscience and is sometimes why they find comfort in someone else. You know "if you don't get it at home....." wether it be emotionally or physically.

A few days after my STBX found out that I knew about the affair I told him that I was going to file for divorce on grounds of adultery. He was horrified that I labeled him as an adulterer because as of that day it was only phone, e-mail, web sex, etc. I went home at lunch that day to find him crying in the closet because of being labeled as an adulterer. I told him he couldn't change the past but he could decide how he'd act in the future. His future actions could redeem his past actions that had only gone on for 4 weeks. This happened on a Thursday. The VERY NEXT DAY the mistress flew into town and the two of them spent the entire weekend together in a hotel having sex. Of course he lied to me and told me he was hanging out with Army buddies. (He seriously thought I believed that?)

So was he remorseful crying in the closet that day? I thought so at the time but I realize that he was just upset at being caught and people finding out what he did.

I don't ever believe he will regret all the pain he's caused. If he ever has any regret it is that he married me because if he hadn't then NONE of this would have happened and he'd have spent the past 15 years with the REAL love of his life (who had dumped him 3 times: high school, college, and the Army). It's not her fault or his fault that they aren't together. It's my fault that he met me after the last time she cheated on him. If he hadn't met me he'd have been available the next time she wanted him back. God he's damn crazy.

I could care less what he feels from now on. He's a narcissist. No one matters except himself. If he feels regret when the mistress leaves him a fourth time it will only be because of the pain he feels himself, not for any pain he caused me or our son.

Yeah, it would be really nice if they got it...twice marital break-up for cheating, now long-term bf went down that same road.  They all said they regretted some portion of it, but why?  1st ex needed financial help & was trying get on my good side, 2nd ex got dumped by the OW & wanted a booty call, & current ex BF also got dumped, but doesn't know I know all about it yet....he just can't handle being alone.  Yep, I'll just let him spew out all his lies first, then tell him what I know.  Been here berore, I know how it ends.

None of them get or got it.  They just had another need to fill & the easiest way to do that was to spit out strings of words they thought I want to hear.

I know exactly how you feel, the being thrilled to fix it thing.  Plenty of experience tells me it can't be.  If you get your hopes up or give him another chance, you just give him the ability to do it to you again.  Sorry, wish I could tell you what you want to hear...=(

Yeah, it would be really nice if they got it...twice marital break-up for cheating, now long-term bf went down that same road.  They all said they regretted some portion of it, but why?  1st ex needed financial help & was trying get on my good side, 2nd ex got dumped by the OW & wanted a booty call, & current ex BF also got dumped, but doesn't know I know all about it yet....he just can't handle being alone.  Yep, I'll just let him spew out all his lies first, then tell him what I know.  Been here berore, I know how it ends.

None of them get or got it.  They just had another need to fill & the easiest way to do that was to spit out strings of words they thought I want to hear.

I know exactly how you feel, the being thrilled to fix it thing.  Plenty of experience tells me it can't be.  If you get your hopes up or give him another chance, you just give him the ability to do it to you again.  Sorry, wish I could tell you what you want to hear...=(

I completely AGREE with Animator!
Leopards don't change thier spots......

My stbx says he's sorry for what he's done and is doing to me. He's never said that he regrets cheating. According to him, he's never felt the way he does about the OW with anyone else and hopes I'll find someone I love that much some day.

My stbx says he's sorry for what he's done and is doing to me. He's never said that he regrets cheating. According to him, he's never felt the way he does about the OW with anyone else and hopes I'll find someone I love that much some day.

I don't regret it.  I left him for many reasons that only he and I know of.  He knows why I left and why I went into the arms of someone else while we were seperated.  So No, I don't regret it.  But he regrets pushing me away, he regrets hurting me, he regrets trying to control my every move.  He comes over once in awhile to see how I'm doing and everytime, he crys and apologizes.  We are good friends now but we could be friends in our marriage....how strange.

Ummm...  The only way he'd regret it, is if he was alone with no one else in the world.  As long as he doesn't care, then he doesn't care.  Cheaters have no conscience.  No remorse.  No heart.  No feeling.  No spirit.  Cheaters are lifeless drones programmed to do one thing, crush the heart of the other person.  It's in their character.  It's in their DNA.  They don't care.  Like an emotionaless serial killer.  They just don't care.  So regret has no part since they are knub of all human feeling.  Just my thought.

I think that many of them are very, very sorry that their new lives do not turn out to be all that wonderful, but they still aren't sorry they cheated because they see no cause and effect.  They live in the fantasy, not the reality.  When the fantasy does not jive with reality, they cheat again, looking for that which doesn't exist.  They don't seem to understand that their own actions are responsible for the mess ups.

The thing my ex could have done to help me the most was to admit he was wrong, at the least, to cheat.  He wouldn't and never will admit his own mistakes, but he's very, very unhappy that things aren't working out nearly so well as he'd envisioned.  Too bad for him.

i think it's mixed.  some people who eventually mature, realize what they have done and become truly sorry.  most i believe hold on to there vain excuses.  for reality is to ugly for them to accept, and they spend there whole life justifying everything they do.  always making it look as they are the martyr, or they simply had no choice.  you see them all the time.  my father is one of them.  he married his mistress.  has alienated all 5 of his children, and considers us to be ungrateful kids.  he is pushing 70 now and still holds to his warped vision of his own righteousness.  he didn't even bother comming to my son's wedding.  his first grand child to wed, and his card with $200 showed up 2 weeks later.  i believe my ex will be very similar.  always justifying her lies and betrayals.

It depends. Some of them will squander their lives and after they setlle down (if that's even possible) they will think about what they have done wrong in life and regret it.
Some of them, however, never feel any guilt. They have no conscience, they think the Good Lord created the world only for them. Those will never feel any remorse, never have any regrets. Even if the world is collapsing around them as a result of their mistakes, they will blame you, the victim. My wife (stbx) belongs to that category. The best thing is probably resolutely look forward. In my case, this page of history is turned.

They do regret it. Since my divorce I a doing the things I gave up during the marriage. I am happier, healthier, and look so much better. Each time we run into each other she starts crying. She has not met my girlfriend, or even knows where I live but she realized what she gave up. I saw her at a large family function (our children where involved) and she heard the comments from family members on how much happier I looked and that the spark has returned to my eyes. She regrets it. She even hinted at starting over. It was so difficult not to laugh out loud in her face. I just told her that she could never be trusted again and that my happiness is now taking a very important part of my life and she is simply not ever going to be part of that. So yes she regrets what she has done. It doesn't matter, but she does regret.

To quote my wife " I have no remorse."

I guess that pretty much says it all.

My cheater husband is still lying about it.  How can he regret what he won't even admit?  It's pathological.  I have the most solid proof, by the way.